Going away to University

[likearollingstone1]

My daughter leaves for University next year (5 hours away) and I'm dreading it. She has been very keen to visit universities alone (with friends) and was very adamant that she didn't want me involved. It has always just been the two of us and I am dreading her leaving as she says she doesn't want me contacting her all the time when she's there and that she doesn't plan on coming home very much at all, and doesn't want me involved in her life. She's had some mental health issues over the last few years so naturally I'm just so worried about her going, that she will keep up with her meds etc (she had ADHD) and that she will be okay. She's generally very sensible and intelligent and can look after herself (she recently spent the summer holiday away from home working at a hotel and did wonderfully) but yeah, I am just worried about her, as well as of course really sad that she's leaving and doesn't want me involved. We have always been close and she's always kept me in the loop about her life but over the last couple of years she's adopted this attitude that she doesn't want me involved in important things in her life. She says I'm controlling (which I probably am!) but she doesn't seem to get that all i want is for her to be happy and safe and to be a part of her life. She can go from talking my ear off to just about everything to turning around and telling me that basically, she doesn't want me in her life.

She wants to be in control - except for when it comes to paying £2000 for a diagnosis no doubt! Not that I think it was anything other than a fantastic thing for her - but I'd hope she's have some appreciation that you had to get yourself into debt to pay for it even though of course you wouldn't expect it.

You don't sound controlling to me at all OP, you sound concerned. She needs to understand that as an adult your behaviour has consequences - you take an overdose, people are going to be concerned.

To me she sounds emotionally immature - I recognise the same sort of behaviour in my ds with ASD. Wanting to control situations when they really often aren't equipped to do so or going to great lengths to not tell you anything. ND kids can be 3 years behind emotionally and her behaviour does sound more like a petulant 15 year old, mine although wonderful most of the time too, can be the same.

I would take the 'I don't want you in my life' with a huge pinch of salt. My ds says he loves the idea of moving out and being on his own - then was away alone for a week and was phoning me 'muuuum' whenever he had no idea how to do something or had had some minor disaster. What she's actually saying IMO is that she wants to know you're there whenever she needs you - but she'll decide when that is.