Please help! 15yr old son pushing boundaries…

[Bonnie7]

School called me to say he’d been seen accepting a small white bag on the playground, turns out it was Snus (I’d never heard of it but teacher explained it was v strong tobacco that you place under your lip)

My 15yr old is my eldest of 3 boys and I’m regularly getting calls from school/other parents advising me he’s been vaping/smoking misbehaving in class etc etc.
He is obviously pushing boundaries but is also a keen sportsman and rugby plays a huge part of his life. As a family we spend lots of time together watching him play rugby/doing family things.
Any advice on how to navigate this? How to punish him? He’s handed his phone to me and said he doesn’t deserve it…
Every time we talk to him he’s calm and apologetic and remorseful.
I’m terrified of him getting dragged into bigger things as he seems so impressionable.
Any advice from parents who’ve been in similar situations please?

If he's a keen sportsman have you talked about smoking/vaping/substances from a health perspective? My DS is the same age and plays football and none of his good friends smoke or vape because they are all about fitness and health.

Could his coach talk to him? Explain that success in sport comes from looking after his health and being disciplined?

Yes, get the coach to talk to him.
Is there any possibility of him training as a rugby referee, and getting paid for it? That will keep him busy at the weekends, and away from these ‘friends’.

He needs to reach any conclusion himself, so I would be asking him more than telling him about how the two sides of his life fit together and what he wants for his future, and what he sees after his challenges at the moment. It might be a broader conversation about what's going on for him rather than focusing on problems to get him to open up. Also it might take time depending on how things are between you at the moment.

I never told my DD what to do, but I made it clear that I wouldn't be happy if she smoked / vaped / took drugs, though part of that was acknowledging that I had and that I regretted it (XP had already told her about that without my permission but actually it helped that I was speaking from experience) and that she was going to be around other people who did so there might be pressure from them. I was never judgemental and never said don't do it, just "I'd rather you didn't, but if you're going to, these are some things to think about". She's never got involved though pretty much all of her friends vape and there's been some drug taking. There does seem to be more drug use with the boys though. I found handing her the responsibility for choice whilst she knows I have her back has helped her make good decisions rather than feeling she's going to rebel against me.