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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

16 year old won't shower

10 replies

Mumofteens4892 · 09/11/2023 22:25

He hasn't showered in 2 MONTHS!!!

He's never been great at washing, but used to manage once a week.

First of all he said "I'll shower if you stop nagging". So I stopped nagging. That was over a month ago.

He smells, frankly. His hair is a mess. Being in the car with him is unpleasant. I try not to go in his room.

He is out of education, but has friends and things to do. He goes out most days to meet people. He's otherwise pretty cheery and easy to get along with.

He asked for money today and I said "if you promise to have a shower tonight" and he said "yes", so I gave him the cash he wanted.

Has he showered? No. So I have stopped all his pocket money and said I won't be driving him anywhere until he washes.

Arghhhhh its infuriating, and horrible. Thanks for listening! Give me the answer or tell me it will get better!!!!

OP posts:
yellowlane · 09/11/2023 22:40

Give him the Money after the shower. I can shower in about 2 minutes.

Fiddlersgreen · 09/11/2023 22:44

He is out of education, but has friends and things to do. He goes out most days to meet people.

does he have a job? Why are you giving him money? I would have made him shower before doing him any favours

Original poster
Mumofteens4892 · 09/11/2023 22:44

Yup - I have been a pushover. No more!

OP posts:
xyz111 · 09/11/2023 22:45

What's he doing now if he's out of education?

dylanschicken · 09/11/2023 22:47

I would be digging deep to find out why he is not showering rather then forcing the issue

Original poster
Mumofteens4892 · 09/11/2023 22:48

A college "re-engagement programme" - which amounts to 1.5 hours per week, and he volunteers at a local motorbike project, 2 days per week. He plays music, sees friends, goes for bike rides. He had an extremely tough time in school (verging on abusive) and has dyslexia. He was excluded, and sent to a special school in Y10 where GCSEs were not an option, so he has no qualifications and an extremely negative attitude to any formal education.

OP posts:
OnAir · 09/11/2023 22:48

2 months that's grim. I'd be going mental and dragging him to the shower well before two months. There would be no going out no anything unless clean, with clean clothes and a clean room. This is setting him up to fail as an adult.

Invisimamma · 09/11/2023 22:56

2 months!!!! Wow. He must honk.

LardoBurrows · 09/11/2023 22:56

Stick to your guns, no money and no allowing him in your car while he remains stinky and unwashed. Also, if he is no longer in education, then he needs to get a job and support himself, no more allowance or pocket money. He will have to start showering if he has to get a job as no one is going to employ a malodorous greasy lump.

MaloneMeadow · 09/11/2023 23:18

There has to be a deeper issue going on here. Are you absolutely certain he’s not depressed? I’d understand if you meant he’s only showering once/twice a week when forced as teenagers can be frankly disgusting at times but 2 months is a whole other level. Surely his friends smell him, make comments about his hair etc?

OP, you need to put your foot down for his own sake. You should have never let this get past 2 weeks, never mind 2 months. No shower, no privileges (money, lifts, Xbox or whatever he plays). I’d even go down the route of making him a GP appointment, there has to be some sort of mental element to this as there’s no way it could’ve gone this far without

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