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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Boyfriend broken up with dd

18 replies

brokenhearted2 · 09/11/2023 20:42

Hi all, my 16yr old's boyfriend has just broken up with her. They have been dating for almost a year and it's come out of the blue. She is blindsided and devastated.

How do I navigate this please?

OP posts:

Original poster

brokenhearted2 · 09/11/2023 21:27

Please. She's bereft. Completely blindsided and I don't know how to be with her. What to say to get. She wants to be left alone.

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Onelifeonly · 09/11/2023 21:31

Well if she wants to be left alone, I'd leave her alone. But check later and ask if there is anything you can do to help. You can't magic the pain away, just be supportive and sympathetic.

smalbert · 09/11/2023 21:32

Just tell her you love her lots and will always be there for her.
Thinking about the bigger picture 16 is very young to pursue a very long-term relationship

minou123 · 09/11/2023 21:36

My advice

Let her vent and just listen.- when she wants to talk, let her vent away and nod in agreement. You don't need to say anything, but especially dont say anything cringey things, like "there's plenty more fish in the sea"
Like others say be supportive and sympathetic.

Do something fun she likes - maybe suggest a meal out just the 2 of you or go to the cinema. Or watch a film together eating ice cream/pizza.

Just remember at that age breaking up with boyfriend seems like the end of the world. We both know there will be more boyfriends to come and maybe more heartbreak. But just respect this is a big deal at the moment and she might want some space.

Ibravedaflood · 09/11/2023 21:37

Never slag him off. If they get back together she will hold that grudge.. He will be forgiven and you won't!
Chocolate and take away.
Not bath and early nights...
It will pass..

Snowdropsarelovely · 09/11/2023 21:58

Ahh bless her. It must be so hard for her, and for you. I haven't yet experienced this with my daughter but I know when it happened to me at that age I wanted my mum to take it seriously and not minimise the pain that I felt. It sounds like you really care about her, and I'm sure that will come across

Original poster

brokenhearted2 · 09/11/2023 21:59

It will pass and it is completely normal and part of life and at 16 it is ti he expected. It's just you know, her pain is my pain. I ache to see her in so much pain. Last week they were discussing their upcoming one year anniversary then tonight he breaks it off. Young love. First love. So heartbreaking. It's just as awful to observe my baby go through it as it was when I went through it myself

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Whataretheodds · 09/11/2023 22:02

It's part of growing up. It will hurt. It will feel like the end of the world. She will get over it.
The alternative is that she never falls in love or is with the same person from 16 for the rest of her life which has its own limitations

(You don't need to point any of this out at this point, obv).

Just coddle her a bit, make her feel loved, ordee/drag her out for a walk outside daily or hope that one of her friends does.

Distract her by asking her to help with something (eg making a lentil stew)

Original poster

brokenhearted2 · 09/11/2023 22:25

How long does the torment last? Stupid question I know. I can't remember. I just remember feeling like my life had ended

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Dotcheck · 09/11/2023 22:28

OP
You can’t fix this for her.
Just be supportive. Encourage her to go out with friends. She will be ok

Original poster

brokenhearted2 · 09/11/2023 22:33

It's been a shit year for her. Her grandma died. Her dog died. Her two best friends moved away and now this.

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minou123 · 09/11/2023 22:38

brokenhearted2 · 09/11/2023 22:25

How long does the torment last? Stupid question I know. I can't remember. I just remember feeling like my life had ended

Everyone's different

But thinking back 30 years, I think it took me about 12 hours to be over it.

Cried, listened to terrible 90s ballads, ate ice cream, bitched about him to my friends and was back on form, flirting with the next boy within 12 hours (roughly)

Helenahandkart · 09/11/2023 22:46

I was dumped over the phone by my first boyfriend and my parents laughed about it when I came back into the room crying. So don’t do that!
Treat it with the gravity it deserves. It’s a massive thing when you’re young. And yes, never say ‘you’ll get over it soon’ or ‘plenty more fish’. No one finds that helpful.

Original poster

brokenhearted2 · 09/11/2023 22:52

@minou123 you made me laugh!! I was more ....hmmm.... emotionally unstable 🤣 I felt like my life had come to and end. Can't remember how long for but it was weeks at least

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minou123 · 09/11/2023 22:58

brokenhearted2 · 09/11/2023 22:52

@minou123 you made me laugh!! I was more ....hmmm.... emotionally unstable 🤣 I felt like my life had come to and end. Can't remember how long for but it was weeks at least

Aww, I bet it was quicker that that. .❤️

It's just when your 16, you feel the pain will last forever. In reality, it probably lasts 2 days.

I know said your DD best friends moved away, but does she have other friends she can meet up with?
There's nothing.better than getting together with friends and having fun, and laughing, to help with getting over the boy.

hockeysticks89 · 09/11/2023 23:00

I was there this time last year and we laugh about it now, but it really hurt at the time. I remember taking her to get her nails done and the lovely nail tech gave her a talking to about men being shit and wouldn't take any money (we know her well), and it just made it a bit better.

After a while I was able to point out that it wasn't quite right anyway, and that it was an opportunity to learn more about life and coping with things like this.

Baby steps. We all go through it at some point, it's just her turn. It will pass.

Meetthecats · 09/11/2023 23:25

My DD went through this last year. Hit her hard. And me harder! It was the first thing I couldn’t fix and make better. Watching her cry and hurt was so so hard. It took her a good 3-4 months to be over it. He left a huge hole in her life. She now has a lovely new bf who is so much better for her.
Looking back now I’m glad it happened and I never thought I’d say that. After a while she could see what wasn’t right about the relationship and that will serve her well later in life.
Her friends really rallied - with a bit of help, she was very busy for those first few weeks and that helped lots.
Good luck

Original poster

brokenhearted2 · 10/11/2023 07:05

@Meetthecats @hockeysticks89 thank you. She woke up wailing listening to sad music. We had a big cuddle and talk. She worried about crying in school. She hates crying in public! I told her it's normal. If it happens just throw her hands up and say 'fuck it. My bf broke up with me' and everyone will laugh at the openness and confidence of it. Even the teachers who really love her.

He's such a sweet lad but he is very young emotionally and I feel she probably has been emotionally quite heavy for him in the last 2 months with her 3 (I've realised it's 3 not 2) closet friends all moving for 6th form. She's probably leant on him and like I say he is very young and needy of his lad friends approval and I think he's felt overwhelmed with being pulled in different directions. It's just life isn't it. I think I spoke well with her this morning. She's such an amazing young woman. She's just going through a bit of an annus horribilis. Like you have said, it is a pain I can't take away and that is so so hard. Still, she has navigated the pain of losing pets which again is a pain no one can take away. It is what makes us grow and makes us strong and resilient.

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