DD being told by boys she's sexy

[GandTnow]

Hi, just looking for some advice/ experiences. My DD is 12 and has had an older boy at school (who she doesn't know) saying she's sexy. She told me about it and didn't like it, it made her feel uncomfortable. What advice should I give her? I'm torn between telling her to report this to her teachers, but she has no names, or trying to explain that this might be a poorly judged way of a boy trying to get to know her, all be it in the wrong way. Any advice welcome. Thanks

Kids entering into or within puberty are starting experience sexual feelings and will talk about that, its normal human development.

Talking about things isn’t the same as this boy making a girl feel uncomfortable. The minimising of inappropriate behaviour starts young by people like you.

It’s not “normal“ to make others feel uncomfortable. By minimising and excusing it as normal, allows it to keep happening. And it’s usually boys making girls feel uncomfortable which then continues into adulthood.

Tell the school OP. They have lessons on appropriate behaviour, in things like personal development, and ime they do take this sort of thing seriously.

Being hopeful, if this boy really doesn’t realise his behaviour isn’t appropriate, because maybe he doesn’t have good people in his life, it may help him do better in future. And even if he does know it’s inappropriate but chooses to act that way, hopefully the teachers having a word with him will keep him away from your daughter in future.

That won’t work.

”If you say that to me again I will report you” is much closer to the real world in 2023. If he said what he said to a female in the workplace he most likely wouldn’t even get a warning, he’d be reported and reprimanded straight away. And in all honestly he’d have a black mark next to his name for the rest of the time he works at that place which will impact his progression. I’ve seen it happen time and time again. While it’s obviously not OP’s DD’s responsibility, she really would be doing him a favour and teaching him a valuable lesson.

I'm torn between telling her to report this to her teachers, but she has no names, or trying to explain that this might be a poorly judged way of a boy trying to get to know her, all be it in the wrong way

I wouldn't do either. Assuming of course this isn't a 16 year old saying this to a 12 year old, in which case I'd be contacting school myself.

Just tell her some boys are pigs and inappropriate. And that if anyone says something like that to say 'don't speak to me like that. I'm not interested' or similar, whatever she feels comfortable with.

Yuk. Hard pass on that. A "I'm 12 you weirdo" should do it.

The world is full of men that get away with acting like this even after they’ve been reported. Of course she can add I’ll report you but she still has to navigate the world we live in and be confident. I’d enrol her on a self defence course too.

The OP is a bit unclear. Did he say it directly to her or is this a case of his mates coming up and saying “ x says you’re sexy” because if the latter then I couldn’t get worked up about it - anyone on this thread who has never told a friend they think someone is hot is a liar or asexual. Also is older 13/14 or 16? If he’s 13 it’s not weird to find a 12 year old attractive. If he’s 16 then yeah it’s weird.

Well, of course she should build her confidence. Everyone should be confident and be able to stand up for themselves. That goes without saying.

But making it clear to the boy that there will be concrete consequences to his behaviour (rather than simply being told to go away) will teach him a valuable lesson. He may want to continue with his behaviour even after being reported (and you’re right that some men do), but he and they won’t last very long - they’re usually dismissed / expelled. Let’s not confuse 2023 with the 1980s - this boy won’t last a second in the real world of today if he doesn’t learn how to behave appropriately in a work/school/university setting.

Do you watch the news @Usernamen ? Men like this are the masters of deception and they are thriving, richer and more powerful than in the 1980’s. One was recently a President!

Don’t be ridiculous.

In a typical workplace or academic setting like a university, the things you can ‘get away with’ are minute compared to what was tolerated in the 1980s.

Senior, distinguished academics lose their jobs over distasteful jokes, for god’s sake. Do you think a boy who propositions a girl with an inappropriate comment in the corridors of a university or office, especially persistently, stands any chance of ‘getting away with it’? We live in very, VERY litigious times.

The sooner this boy learns that, the better for him, if he wants to have any sort of livelihood when he’s older.

Very rude of you to call me ridiculous @Usernamen. You try and make your points by ridiculing others and try to make them feel inferior.

The same way.

Harassment shouldn't be tolerated.

Thanks everyone for your comments and advice.