My 17-year-old bonus daughter has not been following the house rules. She has to go to school, she has to help out at the house, and she has to communicate when she goes somewhere. She has only dropped by the house for a shower in the last two weeks. Her dad was asleep. I have to tell her to go say hi to her dad. We have not seen her. When she is out, she ignores our calls and our texts. She calls just for gas money. We give her the money if she does a chore. She will do an easy chore when we are not home then disappear again. I have told her dad to stop giving her money. He is just glad she called him at this point. Grandpa also gives her money to do an online school. He says she will do what he says because he is giving her good money. I think that is enabling her and she's doing the minimum. Anyway, she told her grandmother she is staying with her boyfriend. She told grandpa she is staying with a girl friend. She is lying. She is smoking weed and vaping. She is not helping out at the house. She will not answer any questions about where she goes. She takes small things like her sister's clothes but still, they aren't her's and we don't know when she will be back or if those things are gone. She took my hair straightener that is expensive. She takes shampoo and toiletries to go live somewhere else. It has been about three weeks of this. I do not know what happened or what changed because it was the same time she stopped going to regular school that she stopped coming home. She doesn't give us a chance to ask or talk to her.
Yesterday, she happened to drop by when we were home. She took her shower and said hi to everyone. Then she said bye. I asked Where are you staying? She said "Grandpa has my location". I said "I asked a question. If you cannot answer, leave your key." so she left her key. I told her mom, her dad, and both grandparents about this one-minute exchange. Grandpa says I kicked her out and now she will never feel welcomed anymore. I say I set a boundary. It was her choice. The dropping by is an issue for me if you are disrespectful. You cannot ignore me then come to the house like nothing is wrong. And leave when I try to say something. And grandpa is not helping things. When she does something to her mom or to grandpa, we have always advised that she should apologize and make things right. Nobody is telling her to do that with us. Grandpa is giving her money to live out there and telling us to not bother her with questions. He should be saying apologize and make things right. Please advise. I am going to text her with something about You are always welcomed home. But in our home, we treat each other right. Something like that.