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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Almost 15 yo boy wants to go to first party...

18 replies

tostaky · 25/10/2023 23:17

Help! He says the party finishes at 11pm.
Hes just moved secondary school so he doesn't have "good" friends just yet only "acquaintances " i suppose

he has adhd so next to no impulse control ...i dont think he has ever drunk a drop of alcohol either... Im not too sure what to expect, what is the done thing these days... do i need to insist to oick him up? 20 mins walk in "safe" area? Does he need to bring something? Should i expect drugs and alcohol? Im super worried but dont want him to miss out either...

OP posts:

Ivesaidenough · 26/10/2023 00:25

I wouldn't want my DS, who sounds similar to yours, to miss the opportunity either! Great chance to meet people, especially since he's new to the school. There most likely will be alcohol, I think, although I'd be surprised if there were drugs (unless it's a private school that is.)
I think whether you pick him up or not depends on lots of things- does he feel confident walking home alone and able to find his way? Have you been out yourself at that time and know it's safe? Would there be anyone likely to be going the same way that he could walk with? I'd probably collect him tbh, since it's the first time.
I do usually allow my 15 year old DS to walk home alone from places nearby, after cinema visits for example, but he has turned up with another parent chaperoning a few times. So clearly others sometimes disagree that it's fine! 😁
I would point out though that too much alcohol can be dangerous, especially if he's the kind to be peer pressured. Maybe point out people will respect him more if he is confident and decides for himself when to stop.

MaloneMeadow · 26/10/2023 08:21

DD started going to ‘real’ parties at 15 as well, luckily she was very sensible, never took it too far with alcohol and knew her boundaries but some of her friends not so much! Definitely pick him up, set a clear time and make sure he sticks to it since it’s his first time drinking. Much better for him to be safe with you in the car in the off chance that he does take it a bit far!

Drinks wise the usual etiquette was that the party host would provide vodka and mixers and guests would bring beers/cider/alcopops etc. Weed is also almost always present although I don’t think it’s something to overly stress over as it would be with hard drugs

FartSock5000 · 26/10/2023 12:06

@tostaky i'd let him go BUT you sit him down and make it crystal clear that this is the benchmark for him attending any future parties.

He MUST control himself, drink sensibly and not end up drunk. If he can do that, you know he can be trusted.

I'd buy him a pack of low alcohol lager or cider or similar to take with him as well. Better than him going with nothing and they make fun of him or he gets wasted on someone elses vodka trying to fit in. If he takes and drinks a few cans of cider, he will fit in but not end up face down in the garden in a piss puddle.

We all were drinking and going out with mates at his age. You can say no and he will only end up going anyway and being sneaky.

At least this way you can have some control, ensure he is safe and give him a lift home after (park around corner so no one sees).

Original poster

tostaky · 26/10/2023 22:41

Thanks for holding my hand!
He is on his way back, at the time he said he would come home. So far so good...

How stressful that was!! I need to relax.. he has two brothers very close in age... the ne t few years are going to be......fun!!!

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 26/10/2023 22:44

Glad he's heading home. As the mother of an 8 yo I'm now traumatised that at 15 I'll be expected to supply him with alcohol and expect him to come home stoned!

Original poster

tostaky · 29/10/2023 08:27

😂

He came home not smelling of cigarette or alcohol and was on time.
Sometimes we need to trust them to make the right choice... and trust me thats not easy when you have a kid with ADHD (ie. the "naughty one" in the class)

OP posts:

Kelta · 29/10/2023 08:33

I know he’s home safely now which is great but a mother of an almost 19 yr old and a sixteen year old I would say always always pick them up. There’s no stigma in it, parents just all wait outside in their cars. Teenagers wandering around at night having consumed alcohol that they are not used to is a recipe for disaster.

Sluj · 29/10/2023 08:44

I was horrified to realise that my son and his friends had no idea about "measures" at that stage and one of his mates got seriously drunk drinking vodka from pint glasses. Make sure you have that talk about measures and quantities

Original poster

tostaky · 29/10/2023 21:24

Easier said than done though... he refused to be picked up, even well away from the party...
Something to work on...

OP posts:

Kelta · 29/10/2023 21:34

tostaky · 29/10/2023 21:24

Easier said than done though... he refused to be picked up, even well away from the party...
Something to work on...

Well not really. “You’ll be picked up or you don’t go”

ThirdDressStress · 29/10/2023 21:40

I always insist if they are going to be drinking I will pick them up or they don't go.

I supply alcohol but I make it clear that weed is absolutely not tolerated. I can not stand the stuff and it smells disgusting.

MaloneMeadow · 30/10/2023 01:07

@ThirdDressStress @Kelta Fully in agreement re: pickups - especially if it was his first time drinking OP should have been there to get him. Doesn’t bare thinking about what could happen to a young teen walking home drunk in the middle of the night. No matter how much I haven’t wanted to get out of bed at 1am to do lifts I always go and get DD and her friends if they need it. I’d much rather know they’re safe in my car than wandering the streets/in a dodgy taxi

margotrose · 30/10/2023 08:02

tostaky · 29/10/2023 21:24

Easier said than done though... he refused to be picked up, even well away from the party...
Something to work on...

At that age I wouldn't give him a choice - it would be either get picked up or don't go.

He's very young to walking around the streets at night and you won't know he's sober until he gets home.

Always, always pick up

Kelta · 30/10/2023 09:23

I promise you that other parents will also all be there waiting to pick up

MarjorieStuartBaxter · 30/10/2023 09:28

You buy the alcohol then you can control what he's actually drinking.....couple bottles of kiopperberg or similar, kniw it's not everyone's answer but I'd rather know they weren't necking and potentially getting spiked etc

99cats · 30/10/2023 09:41

Well done OP. We are going through similar at the moment and it’s so stressful.

MidnightOnceMore · 30/10/2023 09:43

tostaky · 29/10/2023 21:24

Easier said than done though... he refused to be picked up, even well away from the party...
Something to work on...

This is not his choice to make. Set boundaries and enforce.

EddieBlackadder · 02/11/2023 23:06

Not quite 15 is probably a bit young for parties with booze, but many kids do it, and most parents forget they were doing exactly the same thing at that age. They have to start learning to drink at some point, and as parents, we have to let them, whether that's at 15 or 16. Only they can find out their own limits. If they want to drink, they'll drink, and the more rules we place on them, the more they'll rebel.

Many moons ago, when I was about 16, I was carried upstairs and put to bed by my friend's parents at their new years eve party. Every generation is the same.

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