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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How old to stay home alone overnight?

36 replies

GeordieRacer · 21/10/2023 15:02

We have three teens, ages 17, 15 and 13. Contemplating leaving them overnight but I'm nervous about it - not sure if I'm being precious or if this is not on. 17 years old is obviously fine to be left but I wouldn't leave the 13 year old if she wasn't with her big brothers ... though probably she's the most sensible of the three. Thoughts?

OP posts:
Thedm · 21/10/2023 15:05

I see nothing wrong with it. What do you think is going to happen that two older teenage boys can’t handle? They’ll be fine.

You know your kids; if they were irresponsible, selfish idiots then you wouldn’t even consider it. The fact that you’re considering it shows that you believe they have the maturity to be sensible and mind their sister. So do it.

caringcarer · 21/10/2023 15:22

I'd wait until your eldest is over 18 then they can be responsible for younger DC. I'd never leave a 13 year old home without an adult.

Tilllly · 21/10/2023 16:05

I think it's fine

Just let a neighbour know

HippeePrincess · 21/10/2023 16:08

caringcarer · 21/10/2023 15:22

I'd wait until your eldest is over 18 then they can be responsible for younger DC. I'd never leave a 13 year old home without an adult.

Realistically what difference would less than a year make except some arbitrary number?

op its fine especially with the older ones! I used to babysit two younger siblings overnight from 14/15 and then my baby nephew overnight when I was 16.

Thedm · 21/10/2023 16:09

caringcarer · 21/10/2023 15:22

I'd wait until your eldest is over 18 then they can be responsible for younger DC. I'd never leave a 13 year old home without an adult.

17 is plenty “adult”

OP, you will literally never get a sensible majority in this forum about this. There was a thread a while back about 12 year olds going out to a cafe together for some hot chocolate or something, and the responses were nuts. So so maybe posters saying they wouldn’t allow their 15 year olds out to a cafe without an adult and it was child neglect to allow 12 year olds to go, they were going to get abducted or burn themselves and the staff would have to call social services. It was utterly ridiculous and the hysteria just kept growing.

This thread will be the same. It just isn’t a sensible place in the majority.

You know your kids, you do what you are comfortable with and take whatever precautions you want like having a grandparent call or check in if you want to, or no one has to call in if you trust your kids. But don’t get sucked into debates on here about it; the responses will not be logical.

Reugny · 21/10/2023 16:15

17 year old is fine.

Just make sure the neighbours know and any relations/family friends who the kids get on with that live nearby.

I used to pop in on younger family members under 18 who were left alone for various reasons. I ended up knowing a couple of the neighbours.

Coldinscotland · 21/10/2023 16:18

How do they manage in a crisis? We went away and left dd 18 and dd 16 with adult siblings popping in. Night we came back our June fitted shower burst into flames... Know dd's would have panicked ridiculously.. Has made me worry even more now about leaving them in future!

HavfrueDenizKisi · 21/10/2023 16:21

I'd say that was fine. 17 yr old would be perfectly capable and agree with PP, if you're considering this then you know your kids will be sensible.

Also agree that you'll get some batshit answers on Mumsnet.

AnnieKayTee · 21/10/2023 16:31

When I was 14 I used to babysit a 1 year old (not my sibling either) basically overnight. I'd stay over and just take myself off to bed. Think the average time they'd come home would be 3am.
I think she would be fine.
Can you trust the older 2 not to have a house party with all their mates round?

gotomomo · 21/10/2023 16:38

It's fine unless sen or other specific issues that makes it a bad idea. I left mine for 3 days at 17&15.

TheIsleOfTheLost · 21/10/2023 18:58

Do kids not have parties as soon as their parents go out any more? I was a well behaved child that still got banned from ever staying in the house alone again as my mates would come round and we never cleared up properly. Not talking 200 people trashed the place, just 10 or so thst were silly drunk teenagers. I wouldn't trust me at that age!

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 21/10/2023 19:59

There was a thread a while back about 12 year olds going out to a cafe together for some hot chocolate or something, and the responses were nuts. So so maybe posters saying they wouldn’t allow their 15 year olds out to a cafe without an adult and it was child neglect to allow 12 year olds to go, they were going to get abducted or burn themselves and the staff would have to call social services. It was utterly ridiculous and the hysteria just kept growing.

That sounds totally bonkers, @Thedm If you can point me to the thread, I'd love to read it.

It's no wonder there's so much anxiety among young people, if they're being taught that such harmless, age appropriate activities are dangerous, and being held back from developing independence.

gerbo · 21/10/2023 20:19

We attended a daytime wedding recently and stayed overnight. I was nervous about leaving my 2 (16 and 13, very sensible 16 year old) but all was fine. Rules were: no cooking (cold buffet!) or using electric stuff bar the TV and ps4, and no one went out or came in. Just a quiet home day together. They were just fine.
Neighbours and friends were on standby and they had a list of important phone nos.

Thedm · 21/10/2023 20:35

gerbo · 21/10/2023 20:19

We attended a daytime wedding recently and stayed overnight. I was nervous about leaving my 2 (16 and 13, very sensible 16 year old) but all was fine. Rules were: no cooking (cold buffet!) or using electric stuff bar the TV and ps4, and no one went out or came in. Just a quiet home day together. They were just fine.
Neighbours and friends were on standby and they had a list of important phone nos.

I applaud you for leaving them, it was totally normal years ago but people are so anxious now. But… why couldn’t a 16 year old cook dinner?

Poniesandrainbows · 21/10/2023 20:50

I wouldn't but then I don't leave my 13 yo overnight with his 25 yo step brother.

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 21/10/2023 21:17

I wouldn't but then I don't leave my 13 yo overnight with his 25 yo step brother.

A 25 yo could be a parent with a baby and/or toddler to be responsible for!

incognito50me · 22/10/2023 06:55

Absolutely, yes. But I don't live in the UK. Where I live parents are berated for accompanying their early primary children to school - every child goes to a nearest school so that children can walk alone from kindergarten on. Driving children to school is absolutely not on.
I would leave my 15 year old alone for a weekend, easily. Not yet for a week (as I think she would get lonely, not because she wouldn't be able to do it).

GoodVibesHere · 22/10/2023 07:37

Tilllly · 21/10/2023 16:05

I think it's fine

Just let a neighbour know

I'd be baffled if a neighbour came knocking to tell me they were leaving their 13yr old overnight. As a neighbour, what am I expected to do? Stay up and be on alert for something? Listen out for arguing siblings? Do regular checks?

EerilyDecorated · 22/10/2023 07:45

Letting a neighbour know just means saying are you going to be at home that evening and can I leave your phone no with my DCs in case of emergency, which DH and I used to do with friends who live along the road when we first started going out without them in the evenings. It's not a request for them to actually do anything.

Fleetheart · 22/10/2023 07:48

it all depends on how sensible they are really and whether they are likely to party!

Tilllly · 22/10/2023 08:12

Yes, what @EerilyDecorated said
It's just a safety net for teen to go to if there's a problem

gerbo · 22/10/2023 08:29

@Thedm I think it's just my worry about cooking; just trying to cut down the risks i guess. (I was scalded as a baby, maybe that's in my head??) Of course I'd let her cook if I was around!

The telling a neighbour thing- we are on v good terms with our neighbour. I just gave them her number in case of emergency. She was in that evening but I'd have asked another neighbour if she'd been out.

Bobsledgirl · 22/10/2023 09:30

People are insane. The thread about the 12 year olds….I can imagine!

left my 17 yo and 13 yo recently. Worst thing that happened was the big Deliveroo delivery they got!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/10/2023 20:33

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 21/10/2023 19:59

There was a thread a while back about 12 year olds going out to a cafe together for some hot chocolate or something, and the responses were nuts. So so maybe posters saying they wouldn’t allow their 15 year olds out to a cafe without an adult and it was child neglect to allow 12 year olds to go, they were going to get abducted or burn themselves and the staff would have to call social services. It was utterly ridiculous and the hysteria just kept growing.

That sounds totally bonkers, @Thedm If you can point me to the thread, I'd love to read it.

It's no wonder there's so much anxiety among young people, if they're being taught that such harmless, age appropriate activities are dangerous, and being held back from developing independence.

That's crazy my friends and I used to go to McDonalds after school every Friday from year 7/ age 11

BusyJerseyMum · 02/04/2024 18:52

I think they have to 16 by law