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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

17 year old ds - weed and behaviour

11 replies

coffeeandpeace · 12/10/2023 03:54

DS has always had challenging behaviour from ADHD and other SEN plus attachment disorder (adopted very young). As he has got older, his outbursts have almost stopped entirely. However, there are still constant behaviour issues. He did not cope at all in college and sid he did not want to be there. I had to remove him, as he just kept getting into fights with other SEN students and was not going to any lessons. His social skills are poor.

He stopped his favourite sport about a year ago. He had been attending for 6 years and it had given him fantastic fitness and and an outlet for energy.
Unfortunately, he was enjoying the activity but no longer listening to the instructor.
Most nights he's awake while early hours, which disturbs us because he's talking on the phone and up and down stairs for the toilet etc. He is using weed a lot. We don't give him any cash, he seems to be getting the weed from other teenagers.
I've spoken to him about it and he lies or says it's his choice.
Despite spending time talking about dating, building respect in relationships and self- esteem, he keeps talking to different girls. He immediately asks them for a physical relationship. So they don't bother with him.
He still needs constant prompting for basic things like showering and teeth brushing. Even with an alarm, he has to be told to get out of bed in the morning and promoted to hurry up. I have tried leaving him to do it himself and he justs sleeps and doesn't get out of bed.
(Even with melatonin). He left school with a few very low grade GCSE. He's on a foundation maths/English course that finishes in a few weeks. So he needs to be getting a job but I honestly don't know how he will cope with his immaturity.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 12/10/2023 07:22

I’d be worried about him getting into county lines drug delivering if he’s getting it for free. They prey on people like your DS.
‘Have you asked for help SS as he’s adopted ?

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 14/10/2023 17:00

I was thinking County Lines too. Does he take any medication for his ADHD?

Would he be interested in trying a different sport like Skateboarding or BMX?

coffeeandpeace · 16/10/2023 22:45

He comes straight home after college. Yes, we've tried many things. MAST , social worker all sorts. None lasted more than a few weeks. They aren't interested when kids are older

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 16/10/2023 22:52

coffeeandpeace · 16/10/2023 22:45

He comes straight home after college. Yes, we've tried many things. MAST , social worker all sorts. None lasted more than a few weeks. They aren't interested when kids are older

The lack of help available is truly scandalous.

CowboyJoanna · 17/10/2023 19:41

Contact police

Meltinthemiddle · 23/10/2023 00:02

My son is 19 and similar, no diagnosis of ADHD but he does have SEN. I'm struggling massively with him. Please feel free to message me.

novocaine4thesoul · 23/10/2023 01:18

Firstly, you are not alone, far from, imho they all turn a bit nocturnal too at this age (regardless of what is making them so). Secondly, you are right not to give him any cash AT ALL. Thirdly, you have to just keep on supporting him, however hard it is, because at this moment he is 17 and throwing him out is not an option and would cause you unbearable pain. It is really hard to know what to do for the best, but working IS an option, and is a bit of a double-edged sword, but can change things for the better because "others will do your job for you" - he will never listen to you, but he will listen to others. Yes, he will have money, but also have to work for it. The rough jig of working and people not tolerating flakiness will help him. He might lose a couple of jobs in the process, but he will learn, and he will change. xx

vodkacat · 15/11/2023 19:07

Hey, I feel your pain this is literally my son. He messed up GCSES. At college but going to kicked off soon due to skiving.
doing drugs.
I literally have had enough. All the lies are too much.
I have tried early help but they have referred us to a drugs service but he’s not interested.
do yo if have early help or any teen drug services where you are?

Mumofteens4892 · 03/12/2023 23:30

This is my son too - 16yr, out of education, smoking weed, up all night, asleep until midday. Driving me nuts and I have no idea what to do. Feel like I have massively failed as a parent. It is affecting my marriage and his younger brother too. Following this thread for ideas and help….

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 04/12/2023 07:33

@Mumofteens4892 you might want to try an @ to see if the OP will see it and come back Wink

Meltinthemiddle · 04/12/2023 22:11

Still going through this with my teen and he is 19 😔. Its breaking our family/marriage. Nobody wants to know now they are not in school.

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