Teen about to be kicked out of college

[Teenworry]

DS has just started college after his GCSE’s. He went to a good grammar school but failed to get the grades to continue. He is attendance is appalling and he is lying to us about attending. He won’t be tracked so for many hours of the day we don’t know where he is. He is also smoking a lot of weed. We are sick with worry. We give him no money. We try and talk to him but he just gets abusive. Anyone else been in this position? College are being brilliant and keep trying to reach out to him but he refuses to attend any of the intervention meetings. I just can’t imagine what he will do. I worry he is depressed but he won’t go to the drs either.

If he won't talk to you or engage with anyone then it's a very hard situation. I can understand not wanting to give him money, but if he is trying to get weed or other drugs and he's got no access to money, I imagine that when he's missing during the day it will relate to trying to get drugs. This could be doing "favours" for his dealer or something else to try and get cash.

If you turned it around and said you would give him money if he attended college or intervention meetings etc, then that might at least get him there and may start the process towards getting him some help.

I know there will be people who say that you give him an ultimatum, and kick him out of he doesn't go to college etc but that is very difficult to do and just leaves him even more vulnerable.

You'll know best if he would respond better to bribery or threats, but I would try to make a serious last ditch effort to get him to engage with college somehow - if he does end up parting ways with the college it will very likely make everything worse.

Contact the designated safeguarding lead at the college and express your concern for his safety.

Are the college following this through with other agencies?

They should be following their duties. https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/keeping-children-safe-in-education2

Thanks so much @Postapocalypticcowgirl. I have thought about bribery but I am worried that I am condoning his behaviour but maybe it is worth a try. I am so desperately sad right now as he is not the boy he was 12 months ago. The weed is making him so angry and defiant.

Thanks @SahliJ. Do you think I should tell the college about drugs? I’m worried that if the police are involved it could make it much worse for him.