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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

I think my son has depression, and I don't really know what to do.

10 replies

Vástago · 11/10/2023 16:54

I'm Mexican, so apologies if I don't make myself understood.

I don't use forums, but my husband doesn't really know any better that I do, and I just need to talk and think. My son seems to try to make us as mad as he can. My husband will talk to him for dinner, or to ask something or wherever and he will, a) not even respond and just ignore us or, b) after a few seconds or minutes come like he's going to do the most exasperating thing in the world, not even being overly impolite, but like wanting to do everything but that.

He had friends throughout middle school, and even went to a XV, but he's been alone for most of highschool. Each time we asked him if he had made any friends he said no. He was staying after school for couple of weeks with someone, but it was close to the end of the period, when they mix them up. And in this period we initially thought he was still staying with her, but he's said he's been alone again.

He makes talking to him almost impossible. He doesn't talk (platica) with us often, and we don't know as much as we'd like –need– to know about him. He talks the most with his sister, so a good deal we know because of her. But lately he doesn't even talk to her, and is even mean to her in a childish/condescending way. And he didn't went to school today, and hasn't showered; we both tried asking him about that, and just says –if anything– «uh, mother» in an irritated tone like we are but an annoyance. This is the second time this week he does that (he's never done this), and then he had told us he didn't have the first two classes, which we suspect was a lie, and got all to late to the one he had, God knows what for up to that point.

My father died recently, and I can't really handle him. I'm writing this to articulate the problem.

We know he's not stupid (when he talks to me the most, it's in a one way or another condescending position: to ask rhetorically if I know something, or to prove theorems; he studies a lot). But he's not attentive to school, seems takes any opportunity to do anything but he's got to, and has refused to show his grades. I'm worried about his future. At this rate we're gonna have to get him out of school and just get him a job, because even with how much we love him he's not contributing anything.

I'd really like to talk. My husband is asleep.

OP posts:
Vástago · 11/10/2023 16:56

I feel a bit pathetic doing this.

OP posts:
Eddyraisins · 11/10/2023 16:57

Are you on Facebook?

There is a group called Parenting mental health. It is an amazing group full of advice support and similar situations.
May even have people in Mexico.

Also there is a book called Never let go. Also brilliant with advice and strategies.
It is a long journey but we can get through it.

Eddyraisins · 11/10/2023 16:58

Vástago · 11/10/2023 16:56

I feel a bit pathetic doing this.

Don't feel pathetic. Nobody really understands until you are in it.

Eddyraisins · 11/10/2023 16:59

How old is your son?

Can you contact Camhs?

Vástago · 11/10/2023 20:07

I will check it out. Thank you so much.

OP posts:
Vástago · 11/10/2023 20:25

Eddyraisins · 11/10/2023 16:59

How old is your son?

Can you contact Camhs?

He's 15, almost 16.

Camhs an organization from the UK, ¿no? ¿Or can I contact them even if I'm not British?

OP posts:
MrGruber · 11/10/2023 20:31

Hi Vastago , yes unfortunately Camhs is a UK only health service organisation , with extremely long waiting lists and sadly many -even most - kids are not able to be seen currently

All the best , sure Mumsnet will show you many others with similar struggles

RosesAndHellebores · 11/10/2023 20:37

Can you speak to the school? Could they assist with counselling if necessary?

In the UK nowadays, help is available either through the school, CAMHS if you are lucky or your child is very very ill, or you pay for private care.

If he's unhappy at school, sometimes you have to change the school.

lifesrichpageant · 15/10/2023 07:06

Hello, just wanted to say that you are not pathetic for posting on here or looking for help. In my view it's the best way to get things out in the open, and to let others know that we are not okay. I am sorry about your father's passing.

I would also say that what you describe is not necessarily alarming and could be a part of normal teen/adolescent angst. And he may be grieving for his grandpa.

Good luck.

Sunflowercanvas · 15/10/2023 07:16

Hi OP, I just wanted to say you’re not pathetic. As a mother watching your son go through this is heartbreaking.
My son has been through similar and is starting to come out the other side after 2 years. The not talking to us was one of the hardest things to deal with. Now he talks and talks again.
The one bit of advice I can give you is make your relationship a priority.
It is ultimately all you have and Loving him and him knowing he is loved and supported is so important.
I get it maybe hard as you’re grieving, maybe talk to him about your dad as he maybe grieving him too.

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