Teen and disciplining

[TiredMum30]

Hi, I'm just looking for some advice/tips really, because right now I feel like I'm losing a battle with my 15 Yr old DS. Over the past year he's fallen in with a new group of friends at school and since then his attitude and behaviour has gradually declined now he's rude and disrespectful not only to us but to his teachers at school. He's pratting about in lessons and answering back, he's been back at school 5 weeks and I've already had to have a meeting in school and had numerous phone calls, this morning one was from the deputy head teacher. Our issue is that he's already grounded and has had his xbox removed due to various bad behaviour last week and over the weekend and even though he's grounded he still went out on Sunday with his mates, he just completely disregarded what we said and just walked out. I don't know what else we can do, he's not getting on with his work in school, he hasn't started any revision for his gcses and he either doesn't do his homework or he just rushes it and leaves it half completed. He has been referred for an adhd assessment because he does lack focus and concentration but I think alot of his behaviour recently is due to showing off with his mates. I'm at a complete loss as what to do. Would it be too much to take his phone off him also? since he's already grounded and has no xbox. We don't want to be over bearing parents but we also don't want to see his behaviour escalate anymore. I don't know what else we can do to discipline him. I'm so stressed out over it all, I feel like I'm a dreadful parent 😔

Hit him were it hurts his wardrobe. Any luxuries like his branded trainers / clothes gone and replaced with charity shop / supermarket items. Ban on pocket money / phone / WiFi.

He isnt gonna want to hang with his mates looking like crap. He needs to realise his future is at risk if he doesn't knuckle down. What does he want to do job wise?

Not everything is completely in your control. There needs to be a middle ground where you acknowledge that you should try your hardest to model good behaviour and engage with your teen to foster a good relationship, but that ultimately the end goal is for your child to become independent of you.

Your son is a teen and is choosing to behave in a certain way and choosing his friend group. He is attracted to this group because of certain qualities that he appreciates so it's not helpful you think that they are leading him astray.

I think that disciplining a teen depends very much on their personality and what works for one could have the opposite effect on another. There's no one size fits all.

Thank you, he likes expensive brand clothes so this may work. We tried to speak with him after school today regarding what his deputy head had called us about this morning and he just launched into shouting at us immediately, blaming the teachers and that he hasn't done anything wrong, but he's the same at home, even if we see him personally do something and pick him up on it he'll deny he did it, like we're lying, he never takes any responsibility for his actions, its always someone elses fault. I'm sure the neighbours love us after today! 🤦‍♀️

We've taken his phone off him for the time being, he'll get it back in morning as I don't like sending the kids to school with no phone due to an incident that happened with our daughter last year when she was walking home from school, but I intend to take it back after school.

Just to add that we're not being pedantic, I don't really want to go into details on here but he has made some truly terrible decisions lately that could get him into alot of trouble and potentially effect his future, we're hoping we can nip it in the bud now rather then letting his behaviour escalate.

It's really difficult OP but try the hard approach and remind him when he's not got his brands that's his future when he's got a dead end job or on job seekers.

Not sure how far off 16 he is but he could be getting a weekend job and he will need to take more responsibility. I was that kid who fell into the wrong crowd and you don't think ahead and wish I had it drummed into me that you aren't far off getting a job / aiming for a career - life goes so quickly.

Is there anyway you can make a connection / get through to him? Does he get on with his sister?

He's probably between a rock and a hard place that he's set himself up with this bad boy persona and not sure how to balance it and will kick back after you take his stuff - maybe remind him you love him but he needs to think about his actions.

You know your son the best, so it's hard to give advice but I really hope you get through to him.

No phone. At all. Until his behaviour improves. Take it off him for 2 weeks initially and tell him he can have it back if you have no incidents in that time. Any infractions, take it away again.

Get him a brick phone with no Internet.