Teen going travelling 💔

[Grassy82]

I am going to be brutally honest, why not! My DD isn’t on here to read it 😁

My youngest DC has been very aimless for a couple of years due to all the COVID stuff and school and has decided to go travelling. She didn’t want uni. It’s all booked. I have helped them with a fair bit of it, I’m being supportive. I’m not a monster mum. She has impressed me with how much she did herself and saving up. I’m proud of her. I also want her to live her best life, why wouldn’t I?

However I am absolutely heartbroken in some ways at how much I will worry and miss her. Youngest DD is obviously the baby of the family and I miss them being young and hate them growing up. I want them home with me forever. It’s completely irrational. I don’t want them to be so far away and get into any danger and I am not near them. I don’t know how I am going to internally cope not seeing her for so long. DD is notorious for going off grid, never has phone charged, she’s going with her most flakey, annoying friend. But she’s my baby and I adore her. When she was little she didn’t like going on sleepover she only wanted to be with me.

I’m so stressed. But I know I need to let go. I just don’t know how to. I do cry a bit when she isn’t here. She’s only just turned 19. She’s still so young. I hope she finds what she’s looking for and I know it isn’t me anymore, I am a sad 40 something who isn’t cool. I can’t ever tell her any of this, I’d never do that.

How does anyone cope with the worry and missing them? Sorry for being a soppy twat 😁

❤️

Where's she going?

She'll be fine. There'll be moments of drama I'm sure, but they'll figure it out. Even the flakey one.

Fucking AUSTRALIA 😭

I went abroad to work in Asia for 16 months after uni when I was 22. I'd lived at home during uni so it was also my first time leaving home. I'm now 45 and it only just dawned on me recently that my mum was only a few years older than I am now when I went. Viewing it now from a parent's perspective I can see she must have been heartbroken. But she never showed it! This was back in the day before smart phones, video calls etc. Only communication back home was a phone call every 1-2 weeks or an email when I went to the internet cafe a couple times a month. So I really was 'gone' for that year. But from my own perspective, it remains to this day one of the best things I've ever done. My memories of that year will last a lifetime. I hope your daughter has a similarly positive experience OP, and it is completely natural to be upset.

Ah I would be upset too but please don't show it , she will have the time of her life and it will be such an adventure for her !

I love this, thank you. Honestly it really helps. I do want this for her. I’m so glad you had an amazing time!

I am not much younger than you I also went abroad however my parents didn’t give a shit about what I did (glad to be rid of me) but remember emails and just land line calls 😂 I am not sure letting me stay on find my iPhone would be a good or bad thing… at least I talked her out of going to the outback - crocs!

But the outback is magical as long as she's with a good guide or tour company. It's so different to anywhere else, those huge horizons, she'd remember it for ever. I was on a two years working holiday in Australia at the same age and it was wonderful. I'd have liked a mum like you! But she really will love it and well done to you for raising this strand confident and curious daughter

"strong"

Australia is fine! Don't talk her out of going to the Outback - it's a huge part of the experience, surely?!

You'll really piss her off if you're a Debbie Downer on this, and you'll run the risk she won't share things with you.

If she was going solo through Central America then I'd appreciate your concerns but in Australia she'll be as safe as anyone else who lives or travels there.

She'll have a great time :) Hopefully she can get over to NZ too, while she's in the neighbourhood.

Aw I hear you! DS (20) leaves for Australia in 2 weeks. I am both delighted and sad. He too has been aimless for the past couple of years so I really hope this trip is everything he needs it to be.

I don’t think he will come back but that may well be part of my mental coping strategy (ie I’ll be delighted if he does).

I would feel exactly the same. I was thinking of my poor mum when I set off at 18 to uni 6 hours away and never returned. She told me when I was much older how gutted she was but she never showed it. I went to OZ to work and live when I was 21 and she did show it then, constantly begged me not to go, cried etc. anytime I called with any small issue she would tell me to come home and it really spoiled my time I felt guilty constantly and came home after a few months. Still feel a bit resentful over it to be honest.

keep this thread as a diary and we can support you but don’t show her, be excited for her. Plan a nice trip to see her maybe in a few months to travel and holiday for a week or two.

kindly; she’s an adult, not a teen. You should be encouraging her to do this, so exciting and she’ll learn so much!

I’ll be like this when mine go. Sympathies OP, it’s very hard. But you know they have to do it and you have to step back.

Keep busy. Do some travelling yourself if at all possible.

Could you set up a family WhatsApp where everyone posts random photos and jokes about what they’re up to? So she can feel connected to you and vice versa - but with no pressure on her to make dutiful phone calls when she may not be in the mood?

There is always one! 🙄
I am saying this stuff privately to a bunch of strangers and not my daughter. Who is still a teen. She is just turned nine-teen. I’ve helped her get it sorted, let her off paying me rent for 6 months, bought her a suitcase and am happy and excited. However I also feel sad!

I joke about the outback, when she asked me I said I thought the city life would suit her more. She is not one for the outdoors pursuits really in that way, I think she would get bored of it fast but the city/Gold Coast would be vibrant and she is more of a night owl city type of girl who would be happier working in a bar than a farm. She will go on trips though from where they will be based on the coast.

@Grassy82 how has your dd got on?

She will have a ball.

I went travelling post uni which was pre smart phone/early Internet days. I would phone my folks every few weeks where we would have a hurried scratchy catch up for a few minutes. I sent a load of postcards of which only about half were delivered. Looking back I was more naive then I care to admit but grew up a lot and became quite street smart after a few months. It's an amazing experience.

I was bad enough when my 18 year old went to uni 5 hours away so I get it!
How is she doing?

She is ok thanks! She has been there a while now. Only a couple of FaceTimes but she texts me daily. I think it’s been a bit bumpy for her and my mum anxiety has been doing a good job on me 😂 (sharks, cyclones, insect bites) but I want her to have a great time. I gave her more money for Christmas and she’s doing ok. I love seeing what she’s up to.

You know when they are little and they stir in the night and it wakes you up, well even with my phone facedown on silent I will just know she has text me at 3-4am (her time it’s later afternoon). I wake up randomly in the early hours and she has sent me a little message or a photo. Mum-tuition.

I miss her more than she misses me I’m fully aware 😂. I am really looking forward to seeing her in person this year and hearing some of her stories. I am sure it won’t last and she will go back to being a moody teenager in a few hours! I really do miss her so much, I think about and talk about her so much! I am probably driving everyone crazy.

I don’t tell HER that I miss her though, just you guys 😉