DD 16 - rude to teachers.

[yesno124]

DD has always been confident and vocal at school but has become more disrespectful since year 11.

I have just come off the phone to her head of year and unsure of what action to take at home.

It started a few weeks ago when she was asked to remove non-standard earrings. This was ignored, a load of back chat given until yesterday when they were confiscated. She went ballistic.

Today she went in, skirt rolled up as far as it could go. Told to unroll her skirt, refused (apparently the waist is broken ) and then kicked off again.

I get that teens break rules but it's the rudeness I won't tolerate. How do I handle this; she is so sharp and argumentative there is no point going head on. She just doesn't seem to get that the rules are for everyone she must abide by them.

Is she in Y11 now? What are her plans for next year?

You could take her phone away or switch off WiFi. Do something that will have an impact on her. Limit cash. Show her that you do mind if she is disrespectful. Let her take the consequences at school.

Something I've learnt really quickly is that the more I push my teens, the harder it is to get the outcome I want. She knows the rules and she must also know she needs her GCSEs

Talk to her about something else and I mean anything else. Let her talk and just listen. When she's feeling calm then approach the subject of why she's doing it.

How are you both getting on now @yesno124?

Take her phone away.

Turn off the wifi.

im never really sure why this is confusing.

If she is rude to adults, she loses things that she needs. Same way if she went to work and she was rude to her boss, she’d lose her job and lose privileges. Like eating.

i do think phones bring out the worst in children.

Hopefully the OP is getting on better - threads from early October.

I do actually think this isn’t uncommon in y11s, even previously compliant ones. Similar in Y6. They are just ready to go on to the next stage and they resent being treated as ‘kids’. They’ve been in the school long enough the teachers aren’t really scary and if they’ve previously been ‘good girls’ they probably get a fair amount of leeway.

Removing phones probably won’t change that. I know consequence-heavy MN don’t like that but at this age it would probably work better to try to encourage her to see the teachers as human and reminding her of nice things they’ve done (hopefully). Coming down heavy might make us feel effective but often has the opposite effect to the desired one. It harbours resentment and any compliance is through a desire to get the phone back not respect.