Hi everyone,
This is my first time posting.
I'm worried about my son who's about to turn 14, in year 9 at school. He has been having friends from school round less and less in the last year, and now it is mainly one very good friend who we really like, but I was worried about him putting all his eggs in one basket. Now he has fallen out with this friend a few days ago, and even though my son has apologised a couple of times, they don't seem to be OK. He tends to tell me what he thinks I want to hear, so he said things were OK between them, but I can tell they aren't, for one he has left a group chat they were in, deleted his WhatsApp message thread with this friend which last included his apology, and has completely stopped playing pokemon go which is something they did together. He has had a "tummy ache" ever since the falling out on Sunday, and I let him have Monday off school, but I think he anxious rather than unwell as he is eating fine and no toilet problems. He was trying to get another day off today and I spoke to him about it and he half admitted things weren't good between them yesterday even though he had said it was fine, but didn't really want to talk about it. He did go to school in the end after I cheered him up a bit.
He says he has other friends at school, and his teachers seem to think he's extremely well liked among the others in his year, but I don't see him chatting to anyone or meeting up with anyone except this friend he's now fallen out with.
For context my son is very tall and muscular for his age, built like a rugby player and is often mistaken for being 20 rather than 13, but he's a gentle giant and has never been in a fight in his life. He and his friend played "pinch punch first of the month", and my son thought he was being gentle but punched his friend and hurt him (his playful punches with my husband are very strong when he puts in no effort, he genuinely thinks he's being very gentle but we warn him he's much stronger than he realises so i believe it was a genuine mistake, he came home in tears as he felt so bad about it). He and his friend had been up most of the night on a sleepover and so something that wouldn't normally have been a big deal with enough food and sleep, was a huge deal and they had a massive row. My son has apologised a few times but it hasn't helped and his friend isn't answering his messages.
I'm finding it very hard to see him struggling like this and really worried he hasn't got any other good friends. It's his birthday in a week and I don't want to ask him if he wants to do anything because I don't think he has anyone to invite now. In Yr 7 and 8 he had more friends and also was in touch with kids from primary so lots of people to invite, but all these friendships have dwindled this past year and he only saw this one friend over the summer.
Is this normal for teenage boys? School insist he's very popular and always with people at break times, and i recently got an email from his form tutor saying that the class voted unanimously for him to be awarded head of year because he's so kind, but it doesn't seem to translate into real friendships at home.
Feeling quite tearful about it today as he was quite badly bullied in reception and year 1, and we moved towns for secondary school for a fresh start and things seemed to be going so well in year 7 friendship wise. He's becoming painfully shy the older he gets and does extra curricular things completely separate of school (e.g basketball) but doesn't have the confidence to start conversations with the kids there.
Thank you for reading, any advice much appreciated, just hoping this is more normal in year 9 than I realise, as I worry everyone else has loads of friends and not him :(