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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Does your teen share their day

31 replies

Flyhigher · 29/09/2023 23:52

Does your 15 yr DD share their day with you? Mine says almost nothing about anything. Driving me slowly nuts. Is this normal?

OP posts:
Zonder · 29/09/2023 23:54

Ours do but I think they're pretty abnormal! Someone once told me not to ask them open questions like how was your day, but to ask more specific questions.

sillyuniforms · 29/09/2023 23:54

Totally I'd say

Northernlass1234 · 30/09/2023 13:05

It’s all about timing i find. When i pick DD from bus stop she’s normally happy to chat about her day but when home she just wants to chill on sofa and eat snacks. I know not to bother her. She needs that time to regulate.

i find if I’m too interested it backfires 🤣

Ozziedream · 30/09/2023 13:08

They’re tight lipped and monosyllabic right up until they’re really happy to chat and spill all at about 10.30pm [or whenever I’m trying to turn out the light]

Peepshowcreepshow · 30/09/2023 13:09

If I wanted DD to talk, I'd have to be side on not face to face. So in the car or going for a walk or cooking together etc she'd chat, but if she walked in and I asked her, I'd get a shrug or "fine".

BertieBotts · 30/09/2023 13:10

Sometimes. Not often directly after school and not automatically, but once their computer time is up in the evening I find they often mysteriously appear for a chat!

Or if we happen to be doing something at the same time like he's emptying the dishwasher, I'm cooking or folding some washing. I might engineer these situations accidentally-on-purpose sometimes Grin

Or joint transport is another good time for conversation to happen. I don't drive but if we ever take the bus together, he'll usually chat to me about things which have recently happened.

BertieBotts · 30/09/2023 13:12

YY agree with don't be too interested, don't ask questions - I will sometimes ask for an update like "How's it going with maths now?" but bombarding them with "How was your day, have you got any homework?" is too much and feels like pressure to perform I think.

runwithme · 30/09/2023 13:14

Sometimes I pick DS1 up, and he'll just give me one word answers. DS2 will witter on for ages but he's 11 so I expect that go change!
We do eat together so we all talk about our day. DS had history yesterday and they learnt about Emmett Till, so it was 'something' to discuss, rather than algebra. They aren't interested in our day though!

jimmymcg · 30/09/2023 14:28

Nope DD17 doesn't share anything really. I don't think there is much going on to share, but she is not a chit chatter, not to me or the the rest of the household really. I have tried open questions, specific questions, vague questions, nothing. She can't really be bothered. DS14 nearly 15 is loads better, but I can see that he is now becoming disinterested in conversing.

FrangipaniBlue · 30/09/2023 17:29

Never bloody shuts up, I've always said he'll get himself in trouble one day with the over sharing!

I think this is unusual though, everyone else I know with teens seem to get Kevin the teenager responses......

FunnysInLaJardin · 30/09/2023 22:37

yes, I get the gist of what's going on. DS1 17 slightly less so but DS2 13 a bit more detail

We always eat together and so get a lot more during dinner happily

Hbh17 · 30/09/2023 22:39

Do you not remember being 15? We never told our parents anything! It's perfectly normal.

Silkiebunny · 30/09/2023 22:40

DD 17 yes in minute by minute detail. DS 16 no.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 30/09/2023 22:50

Dd and I quite often do a little dog walk together at the end of the day and that's when she tells me what's going on with her. I quite often get a blow by blow account of her day at college.

Think she's probably the exception rather than the rule though.

TGGreen · 30/09/2023 22:51

DD calls me on her walk home from 6th form. She'll chat the whole way, around a mile and a half.
I have two teens, DS is doing an apprenticeship. He loves it and wants to share his day. He disliked school and would rarely share his day.
Even when they're off and home they regularly come downstairs to talk but I think that's mostly to see the dog. He's my shadow. I think I'd see far less of them at home if DDog would follow them back upstairs.

TeenLifeMum · 30/09/2023 22:55

Yes. All through primary I had to all very specific questions to learn anything from my quiet, aloof dc but now she’s 15 and is cuddly and chatty. She had a big fall out with friends end of year 10 and is back with her older friends and that’s a much better fit for her so I do feel I’ve got my daughter back from where our relationship was 6 months ago.

That said, I’m not sure it’s normal that she’s so chatty with me but I’m enjoying it for now.

floradora · 30/09/2023 22:58

I have a DD 14 who swings between "meh" and "schooly" (in response to "how was school?") , and then other days a detailed blow by blow account of who said what, and every teacher's failings and successes . But I remember rolling my eyes SO hard when my older DSis told my parents EVERY detail of her school day and I, contrary to the last, would grunt "yes, fine"

letmesailletmesail · 30/09/2023 23:02

13yo DD accused me today of always asking questions when, after asking her what time she wanted to be dropped off in town, I asked her if she had any idea when she might want picking up!
As she's only 13, I'm fairly new to this but agree that the side by side approach is better as is asking how one of her friends is finding something (although that does depend on her having told me something about one of her friends in the first place!)

mondaytosunday · 30/09/2023 23:07

Yes, though I think my son certainly left some details out! My daughter did and does still at 18.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 30/09/2023 23:09

My DD has always given me the complete run-down every day. She's nearly 18. I know all the tea!

underneaththeash · 30/09/2023 23:10

It depends.
I get lots of gossip on occasion.

DyslexicPoster · 30/09/2023 23:13

Yes, but sons. It's all on their terms of course. They tend to be very open. But normally any 🫨 moments are disclosed at least two weeks after the event. Like getting drunk, smoking weed and now at 19, trespassing on massive country estates at night.

It's double edged sword as once they disclose, you can't judge to hard or they stop trusting you.

clementinejuiceforxmas · 30/09/2023 23:14

People usually tell you to ask open questions but I find specific questions are much better. Eg how was the test, what did you do do in biology today much better. Do you have a copy of the timetable
But not a grilling and usually best side by side in car or a walk or making a drink

Remaker · 30/09/2023 23:15

DD17 yes happy to talk about her day most of the time, what her friends are up to etc. DS15 happy to talk about cricket or football (I am interested in sport but I do read up on sports news to prepare for these conversations!) lf I ask about his day I will generally get a grunt and dismissive wave of the hand. Then a couple of hours later he will volunteer some news about his day. It just needs to be on his terms.

paisley256 · 30/09/2023 23:20

If I seem too eager then I'll get a grunt. I find they open up more if I seem not overly interested.

They also seem to want to talk non stop when it's sleep time and you've gone in to say goodnight like @Ozziedream said.

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