Anxiety help for my DD

[Eitr]

Asking for advice on how best to help my DD.

She is 17 and has had anxiety since year 8 and probably before but I assumed she was just shy. For which I feel terrible.

She may be neurodiverse, she has some sensory issues and is very sensitive to her environment and needs lots of down time.

She has good close friends thank goodness but they are now spreading their wings and my DD is doing the opposite and dipping her toes into life less and less. They are starting to get fed up with her not going out and doing things and I'm sure once they head of to uni next year they will likely drift. This will break my DDs heart as she finds making friends so hard.

We have asked for help, she had some counselling which was only a small help and when she was 15 she had a terrible interview with a CAMHS nurse who was so dismissive of her feelings that my DD has since said she will never get any outside help or assessments and wants to work things out herself.

I've read every book under the sun to try and help her. I worry that she is so fearful she will end up never going beyond the front door.

I vary between tough love and making her do things or letting her do nothing to keep her feeling comfortable. We are very close, I have a lovely relationship with her thank goodness. But she is stubborn and I feel like I need to respect her wishes at 17.

Should I just let her get on with it. I feel that she needs some help from a trained professional, not just me. I'm a single parent and it's a lonely place to be, not knowing if you could or should be doing anything else.

Sorry, it's a long post. But I'd appreciate any advice.

So sorry to hear OP.
It's heartbreaking to watch them withdraw and being helpless.
Would she do some volunteering or take up a small Job?
Does she have any hobbies?
Sorry your DD had a bad experience with the Camhs nurse but could you push another time..no two people are the same and the right person can actually help them a lot.

DD had 6 sessions with a school health counsellor and then they offered no more.
She then went into a spiral after exams and no structure over the summer holidays.
We have now found her a private counsellor and DD seems to find her really helpful.
She even said in comparison the previous one now seems not good at all.
Is private an option?
If not, could you rope in an aunt or an older student who could sort of talk to her and take her under their wing?
It's great you are close to her..that itself is a blessing.
Keep talking and doing things with her.
It's hard and relentless I know..
With anxiety, not doing the thing actually reinforces the anxiety.. at the same time, no point overwhelming your DD.
Maybe have a chat with your GP if you have a friendly one.
Big hugs and hope you find a way to work things.

Thank you. It is heart breaking seeing her unhappy. I'm glad your DD has found a helpful counsellor.

I would definitely go for private counselling but it seems a bit of a lottery. I feel a wrong choice and DD will never forget. I've asked friends and not had any success with recommendations.

I will try the Gp again, previously they said they could only offer the CAMHS referral but you never know, things may have changed.

Her hobbies are all based around what she can do on her own. She is taking A levels next spring so I'm just trying to keep her on track with going to school so at least hopefully she comes away from school with those. She says she will never go to uni.

She will have to go out into the world after A levels as I can see her losing the plot if she has no structure in her life as well.

Sounds a lot like my DD at that age. She's diagnosed ASD and to be honest, knowing her diagnosis and then being able to learn about it really helped her. She is still anxious but she understands where it is coming from and has better coping mechanisms. She tried Sertraline but it wasn't very helpful for her. If seeking an assessment isn't an option perhaps still try some ASD related tools to see if they help eg lots of structure, advance warning of any changes to routine, encourage her to explore her own interests, encourage down time, consider calming tools (for my DD it's a weighted blanket and a lava lamp), build her confidence that it's ok to be herself and different to her friends. A part time job helped my DD build confidence as well.

You can't make her what MH support. Plus, no MH professional would accept her if shes not actively wanting the support.

I'd focus on wats to build her confidence and self esteem. At her age this could well come from a part time job and/or volunteering. What's her uni plan? Try to tailor her job/volunteering towards that, if possible. It then adds good fodder to her ucas personal statement.

As she doesn't want to go to uni, all the more reason for a structure after A levels OP.
Maybe after a year of working she may feel better.

Also regarding counsellors, if going private do look on the BACP website.
I found mine there.
Their profile will hopefully say if they have worked with teenagers and you can also have a chat with them yourself and get a feel for whether your DD will get along with them
I had a few emails back and forth with our consellor and when DD hit crisis point and took an OD, she offered to see her that same week and things went from there.
She works with teens, works as a counsellor at a local school and also has 2 teenagers herself.
All this told me she would be a good fit for DD.
As it is private, do feel free to vet them for compatibility.

Oh DarkChocHolic that must have been terrifying for you.

Thanks for all the helpful comments.

I agree that if she really won't engage with either counselling or assessments it will be pointless and when I think of it, I don't want to risk her losing trust in me.
Equally she says no to things and then when she has to do them she finds them not as bad as she was expecting. Typical anxiety overthinking everything. So if I could find a counsellor that she could work with I think it could help.

She's a bright girl and a lot more resourceful than she realises.

I feel I have to work out some ways to get her out and about in the world but I think I'll have to tread lightly.

DD (17) has ASD (high functioning) and associated anxiety. Her anxiety has been crippling, and has had huge impacts on her life. However she started on Sertraline about 3 months ago, and it’s been life changing. She’s back at college (having missed the last 3 years of education), doing her work without panic, and has tried out for (and got into) a sports team.
I had to have very “pointy elbows” with CAMHS

@ExtraOnions that sounds so positive. You must be so happy for her.

DD refuses to consider meds at the moment but she is going to school bar the odd day thank goodness.

I need to work on my own elbows, could do with being more pointy