am I neurotic? If so, please teach me how not to be.....

[ladette]

Parents of teens, please read: this thread How do I know how to be careful without being over-protective & neurotic? Have been described as such once too often on MN and need some help knowing how to get the balance right.
thanks.

ladette, I suspect that the email is a hoax, but I totally agree with you.. why the hell not show it to your kids? Say it is most likely a hoax. Of course they'll laugh but... a little something will stay there in their brain, and who know, it might come in useful.

I don't know how to avoid becoming a total wreck in this parenting of teenagers lark. Mine are 16, 13 and 11. I am working along the lines of I will give them the information AND the impression that I trust them to look after themselves. I hope that if I give them some responsibility they will rise to it. I try to make them conscious of that...that to a great degree ( or at least the elder one) it's up to them.

Does that make sense.

I don't think you'll ever really manage it, ladette - you'll probably end up neurotic either way, it's an occupational hazard as the mum of teenagers.

Mine are 20 & 18, so now both officially adult, 'responsible' for their own mistakes - doesn't actually make any difference to how much I worry, just to how much I have to hide it.

All you can do is make sure your teens have all the information - they will dismiss it with 'yeah, right, you're so paranoid', but it does actually sometimes go in, and just sometimes you begin to get occasional glimpses of a sensible adult in there.

You will worry about everything in the news, their friends, drink, drugs etc - all the possibilities, but I rationalise it by the thought that when disaster strikes, it's usually something you've never thought of, so if you think of everything, it'll be OK....

so I'm not, as suggested, paranoid by raising these issue with them? I firmly believe they need some idea of what could happen to them - as they gain their independence, they have to make their own on the spot decisions and we aren't there to ask (and they wouldn't ask us anyway). I don't think I am, but the other thread suggests I'm barking.

(and thanks to you both for posting, suddenly thought it might be an idea to talk to parents of older children about this, rather than those who are judging me with no idea what it's like to have independent children)

you are not paranoid by raising these issues with them and as rusty quite rightly says, they will dismiss it but...some of it will stay in their minds.

fwiw, I didn't get the impression that the other thread thinks you're barking!

I think the best way to approach it is to show them the email(for example) and say " what do you think of this" ...rather than in a panicky sort of way.

definitely wouldn't do it in a panicky sort of way, don't think I ever suggested that?

oops, only used that expression in a figurative sort of way, didn't mean to imply that was your style.

see, totally paranoid now! Thanks for your support, appreciated.

byee...gotta go to bed!

Here's to teenagers everywhere, the little darlings...

just remember, they were cute little toddlers once! Thanks again, sleep well.

I personally wouldn't discuss it with them, if it's known as a hoax then it's not imo worth mentioning just in case the kids do start thinking, "oh mum's wittering on again, it's never real anyway" type of thing, not in you're paranoid if you do talk to them about it.

I think I spend more time awake at night now worrying about my teenagers than I did when they were cute little toddlers[sigh]