University Mum

[WorriedUni]

Hi, my daughter has just started university and is really struggling to settle in. She is quite shy and not a big drinker. She is really pushing herself to socialise but is finding it really difficult. She says everyone else seems to know people and are hanging out in groups already. I’ve said to just keep trying, it takes time. I think she is trying but it’s just such a struggle. All her friends have gone to different universities and she says they all seem to be making loads of new friends. What are other people’s experiences with this.

Bless her, it’s a huge deal going from living at home to moving out in a new surrounding and either living alone or with people you don’t know! My son is still a little ways away from university although I have friends that have kids that have gone to uni and they have all went through the same thing. I think the biggest thing to recognise that both yours and her worries are completely normal. There will be tons of boys and girls in her situation that feel the same way including those that don’t want to party or aren’t social. From what I’ve heard, a great way to find friends is through university clubs. Does she have any interests that she could find others with in societies like reading society etc? I will add as well that this is her first day that she’s gone so it’s extra specially nerve wracking, the first week away will always be the worst but she will adapt and settle. Feel free to vent your worries if you need someone to talk to though x

Yes she needs to join a club. Or volunteer. There will be loads of things to do.

I remember struggling to find my tribe at Uni but it happened eventually.

Hi Op,

you might want to post this in the "higher education" topic as well, for optimal traffic!

What’s the freshers timetable been like? I’ve been impressed by my dd’s there’s multiple things on every day from board games to late night clubbing

Agree re the clubs/societies, there will be a big freshers fair where they will all have a stall - she can go along and see what she fancies. Everyone is mad about making friends in the first weeks, but they do change as people settle in.

Also reassure her that the already formed groups will not be long lasting, its everyone being in the same boat and clinging on to people to start with. Over time those friendships will fade and newer stronger friendships will form as they settle in, start lectures and get into their societies or clubs. My DD left her first year in January for various reasons, one of which was the toxic nature of the quickly formed friendships formed just through living in the same block. She is starting a fresh at a new uni on Saturday and says the biggest lesson she learnt from round 1 was not to choose all your friends from one environment (ie hall) and not to dive in too deep with new people to start with either. She has looked at her freshers timetable and chosen lots of varied activities to do where she hopes she will meet like minded souls. I think your daughter probably will have it right in the long run to not be going mad in groups, but it will feel hard right now.

Has her actual course started properly yet or us is still only Freshers week? Freshers will be all about drinking and socialising with people in her halls - randoms, but perhaps she'll find it easier once she meets people on her course properly?