Sorry in advance for the long post but I really need some advice and not sure what else to do.
My daughter is 16. Her bf is 15, 16 next month.
He lives 2 hours train journey from us. They met through friends of friends on a game.
They have been together for 1 year but didn't first meet up until they had been "online gaming gf/bf" for about 4 months. To begin with she had been meeting up with him without my knowledge. Taking the train journey to his or him coming here. All whilst telling me she was with friends etc. It all come out in the end and I was furious. That was dealt with and I said I'd like to meet him before anything else was to happen. I met him a few times and took him out on family days out. I said she was not allowed to go to his as it was too far (she was 15 at the time) and that I would re think the situation once she's 16 and I know him a little better. He was allowed to come to us and chill out here or go cinema and the like. (His mum never contacted to check on him/see who I am?)
Fast forward a couple of months and I allowed her to go to his after speaking with his mum(i contacted her). My daughter started asking if she could stay over, I said no not yet. But in the summer holidays just gone, I let her stay even though I wasn't comfortable with it. Her dad (we aren't together) said 1 night together every now and again is plenty for a 16 year old. My daughter doesn't agree. But now it's getting to the point where she's refusing to come home and wants to stay the whole weekend, every weekend.
She is refusing to look for work during the weekends as she won't see her bf. She isn't seeing her dad as all she wants to do is be with her bf. She's becoming rude to me and her dad which she has never done until this boy come on the scene.
My daughter has told me that her bf had an argument with his mum and told his mum to go kill herself so I feel like his disrespectful behaviour is rubbing off on her. I've heard him telling her things about my other daughters/son and to hide things from them so they can't use them (xbox etc) but she never had a problem with them using it before.
When my daughter is visiting her bf, the mum is never around and leaves her other children under my daughters supervision? (Only discovered that this week)
I don't want to fall out with my daughter/push her away by telling her I don't agree with any of this but it's slowly turning her into a doss/bum. She ditched all her friends for this boy, she has nobody but him (and family, of course) she only ever talks to him. She has recently started college but won't talk to anybody and just stays on the phone to her bf during break/lunch.
I really don't know what to do, there's so many things I've overheard her and him saying that I really don't like, I can't list everything here or this post would go on forever 🫣 strange things like having each others bank accounts saved on apple pay. I've spoken to the mum before but I just get the feeling that she loves having my daughter around as she keeps her son off her back and a free babysitter. (He only attends school for half days as he was kicked out of school for whatever reason)
I just want my daughter to think of her education and career and not throw it all away for her bf. Her boyfriend works on Saturdays but she still says she can't work weekends.
I'm really at a loss as what to do. All the advice online says don't interrupt and let it run its course, which is my current approach, but I can't sit and watch my daughter ruin her education/life/future because of him 😔
Also would like to add that the minute I learned she had a bf, I took her to go and get the pill.
Any advice please?
How often would you let your 16 year old do a 2 hour train journey and stay at her bfs? What can I do about it affecting her education and work life?