15 year old DD doesn't talk to me much

[Flyhigher]

Hi,
15DD will not answer any question and will not say anything about her school days at all.
Are they all like this? Or is it just mine. She's never said much about school. She's an only child. Help!

I think a lot of them don’t go into details about their day.

a lot of the time I’ll get a “fine” from dd15 if I ask her about her day. But some of the time I’ll get an “omg mother guess what happened today” it’s often fairly mundane but I pretend to be more interested than I am as I like her to keep telling me stuff.

They're mostly all like that.

Did you chat with your parents about the school day at 15?

Did you post a few days ago about being in her room and her refusing to engage/ scream at you?

@cocksstrideintheevening Yes. It's hell in this house.

I chatted more than this. We had meals together. Dad told stories so did mum. We had some dialogue. We had breakfast. And lunch and dinner at weekends. This is very hard. Feel very alone. Like living with a person that hates me. It's awful.

My DD was never troublesome but I found out a lot when I took her out for lunch. Somehow, doing an afternoon out, just us two, was an amazing opener for all sorts of information. In my case, nothing worrying, but it was really bonding and still is now she’s all grown up.

She won't go anywhere with us. No lunch. Nothing.

Direct conversation is hard, can you talk whilst doing something else, washing up, driving?

Mine is mostly like this. She's 13, also an only child. Also won't go anywhere with us, except the occasional (expensive) shopping trip. I feel very lonely too. Solidarity OP.

Yes, I feel this too. Also an only child (15). She has come to me with (bigger) problems and for help with school, but on her own, day to day, really wouldn't engage. She still likes going out to restaurants, but my DH doesn't, so it's a balancing act - needing to convince him to come along if he wants a family life, or going with her on her own.
It does feel like living with a flatmate who is trying to keep the interactions at a minimum. I end up talking to her when I want her to do or not to do something, but she is not interested in sharing relaxed moments with us.

I also grew up very differently, close to my parents and grandma, talking to them all the time, watching tv together, generally liking to spend time together.

Like PP, I think your best bet is to engage outside of the home or indirectly. I got a bit of engagement in a doctor's waiting room yesterday; I'll take it, it's just that most of my life is routine and at home, and this is where she just holes up in her room and experiences engagement as an imposition.

It's the same. I wish I'd had another. I hate it. Feels like prison in my own home.

Won't talk while driving. Goes on the phone. And music.

It's very hard. I can't cope anymore.

She will message about big problems. And talk a bit about that. Then silence again.

Incognito go with her to restaurants. I'd love it if we could.

Does she have any hobbies OP? My DS is 15 and is quite good at telling me the basics of his day, but if I get him chatting about a hobby or one of his interests, he doesn't shut up.

I'd look at reasons for her behaviour, depression, vaping, drugs? May be normal, may not.

If you pay for phone, put parental controls on and restrict access (you can def do this through iPhone) . She gets longer etc when she acts like a member of family. She has to go out for meals. Right we are going, I'm not asking I'm telling.

@Ladyglittersparkleseriously. Wish I'd had a second one now. Think a lot of things would be better now. Unlikely to have two difficult ones. At least one will be lovely. Or at least pleasant. It's easier when they are little but as they age it's so hard. I think she's breaking me. Nothing worse than a family member hurting you. I think girls are much worse. Can't imagine boys would be this hard.

When things get that hard, I say to myself that this, just like everything involving children, is a phase. The danger comes in doing something or letting them do something that would really harm them or irretrievably hurt our relationship.
@Flyhigher , I was also convinced that girls are much harder. However, hearing stories about my DD's BF (when we see him, a perfectly lovely boy!) and his behavior with his family, I am not sure. I think both sexes have their share of possible issues growing up, it's how these are most likely to exhibit that differs.