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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

What to do with 16yo ds

9 replies

KyliesPencilCollection · 17/09/2023 09:22

I don't know what to do with him. He did reasonably well in his GCSEs, started an apprenticeship, got a sweet girlfriend thought all was going ok. Then he made an attempt on his life.
Everything has fallen apart. My beautiful, kind, compassionate, friendly son didn't think life was worth living.

His apprenticeship has released him. He won't consider college. There are very few jobs for youngsters where we are.

I've been told by CAMHS that he really ought not be left alone at the moment, until they see him, a couple of months possibly. The GP gave him prozac.

I am disabled,work part time, self employed, also claim tax credits and housing benefit. His earnings were absorbed into the household income for benefit purposes, and his child benefit ended.

The money complications are minor compared to my sons wellbeing, but I'm struggling in many ways. I'm trying so very hard to keep him occupied, but I'm not able to work as much as usual, as I need to keep him safe. His relationship with his dad isn't great. He cites his dad as the main reason for his hating himself and his life. So I'm not going to make him go there while I work.

It's all so complicated, we had to move away to a new town at the beginning of this year. It isn't really that far away (13 miles from where we were) so he was able to stay at the same school, but it's in the middle of nowhere. There are buses, but they are infrequent, so I am ferrying him about. I don't mind this, it's my fault we had to move. I had a flakey landlord, should never have gone with him!)

I'm just looking for ideas to get him into some sort of training/work/ study.

Sorry, I've just re written War and Peace! I've left lots out too!

OP posts:
ivfbabymomma1 · 17/09/2023 09:28

I'm so sorry your going through such a hard time! It sounds incredibly stressful. Do you know why he didn't think life was worth living?

KyliesPencilCollection · 17/09/2023 10:00

I have tried to get to the bottom of it all with him, but he says he doesn't know.

As a family, we've had a tough few years, the split from his (abusive) dad wasn't straightforward and he saw/heard things no child should. It's possible that everything just came to a head .

He is such a lovely lad.

OP posts:
KyliesPencilCollection · 17/09/2023 14:19

@MNHQ which would be the best board to get advice with what to do with depressed NEET 16yo ds?

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7Worfs · 17/09/2023 14:26

Terrible situation. I’m no expert but I think I’d focus on two things:

  1. keep him away from the internet

  2. support him in trying as many things as he wants, so he finds a path out of the sense of doom - sports, type of education/vocation/hobby/volunteering… I think working on a farm/with animals can be very therapeutic. Is it an option at all?

cherryassam · 17/09/2023 14:35

I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time, the further education board might be useful or the mental health board.

Is your DS showing an interest in anything at the moment?

I think @7Worfs suggestion about something with animals is a great one - is there an animal shelter he could volunteer at? Do you know anyone who could do with someone to walk their dog? If you’re rural is there an agricultural college nearby?

Does he like sport / exercise? Going to the gym, especially if there is a welcoming gym nearby, might be something he’d be interested in which would open up further training / work opportunities. One of my nephews is like a different teenager now he’s really involved in martial arts, there’s a great community atmosphere.

Do you know why he won’t consider college?

7Worfs · 17/09/2023 14:41

Also if you have RAF in the area they have a great cadet programme I hear.

The structure and order the military provides is a real making for many people.

ExtraOnions · 17/09/2023 19:46

We let DD just take the “year out” when she was 17, to concentrate on her mental health. Took all the pressure off around college, work or anything else. Kept the home calm.
You can go to college at any age, you can do an apprenticeship at any age.

KyliesPencilCollection · 18/09/2023 07:48

Thank you for your replies.

Ove suggested animal things with him, he is fantastic with dogs and horses! He says he's thinking about that.

We live very near an RAF base, and yes, I think it could be good for him, but he says not.

I've thought about a year out, and still thinking about it. But he gets bored so easily, definitely has some adhd tendencies, and I have to work, I can't be with him.all the time.

Because he's had a couple of months pay from his initial apprenticeship, he says he doesn't want to work for no money! He's enjoyed having his own income.

I want to be firm with him, but I know he's delicate at the moment.

I might try and persuade him to get a Christmas job, then work on getting a new apprenticeship in the new year. Hopefully CAMHS will have seen him by then.

OP posts:
KyliesPencilCollection · 18/09/2023 07:56

The gym is a good idea. And he's played rugby in the past, there's a club just along the road...I'll see what he says. Thank you all.

OP posts:
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