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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I think SS has stolen from me

16 replies

sunintheeast · 16/09/2023 05:51

This is as old as the hills....I think my SS has taken money from my purse - he was the only one in the house all day. We don't, like most people, use cash alot. But I had £100 in cash which I was keeping for treats for a break this week, just me and partner and £20 quid is missing - I can afford to lose it but it is the point of it,, For context DH has been really ill this year and this break is much needed. This summer my 17 year old DS moved in with us after his relationship broke down with his mum. It has been a crap summer for him so I have tried to give him some slack even though he has been acting out alot, I know I had the money. Do I let it go (for now) so it doesn't ruin our break (we are leaving him at home for a week on his own for the first time, DH is trying to trust him after some pretty rubbish behaviour on his part this year. It has never happened before. Do I talk to him on his own?. I am upset but equally don't want to make accusations which I can't 100% prove.

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 16/09/2023 05:55

I would ask everyone in the house if they have seen it. But you can't accuse with no proof. Unless he admits it I'd chalk it up and be careful going forward

Ostryga · 16/09/2023 05:59

Oh that’s a tough one. I would just ask him calmly and say if he needs to borrow money (does he have a job or allowance?) then just to ask you rather than taking if he has taken it.

If you go in open to a conversation and not accusing him hopefully he’ll be honest with you.

Guavafish1 · 16/09/2023 06:01

I would declare to everyone that £20 is missing and look for a reaction. I would repeat it multiple times in over a course of month too.

As other have said, you can't blame him, as there is no proof! Watch your money and belongings like jewellery in the future.

Sad

scrollinginthedark · 16/09/2023 07:26

I wouldn't say anything tbh. I wouldn't leave any money around from now on though. If he'd taken it all, different story. I know you should confront but is the fall out worth it? 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
sunintheeast · 16/09/2023 16:51

I agree with answers but whilst he was out with dh I went through his bag. I know not good on my part ! No cash but Tobacco. Rizlas vapes etc. And with no job can only conclude must be getting the money from somewhere. Feel proper mugged off.

OP posts:
scrollinginthedark · 17/09/2023 07:09

Don't feel mugged off. He's a teenager - their brains are wired differently at this age. It makes them hugely selfish, only able to see their viewpoint and unable to see consequences. Now, I know there are many delightful teenagers, wise and nature being their ages, but for many, what I said was true.
In the future, hide your money but maybe introduce some jobs around the house for him to earn a few quid?

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/09/2023 07:12

sunintheeast · 16/09/2023 16:51

I agree with answers but whilst he was out with dh I went through his bag. I know not good on my part ! No cash but Tobacco. Rizlas vapes etc. And with no job can only conclude must be getting the money from somewhere. Feel proper mugged off.

I'd argue that this lost you the moral high ground. Going through an unrelated teenagers bag? Please don't do this again.

Just don't have cash around, encourage him to find a source of income and chalk it up to experience.

CurlewKate · 17/09/2023 07:31

Hmm. This is difficult. Does he have any money of his own?

Screwballs · 17/09/2023 07:42

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/09/2023 07:12

I'd argue that this lost you the moral high ground. Going through an unrelated teenagers bag? Please don't do this again.

Just don't have cash around, encourage him to find a source of income and chalk it up to experience.

Show quote history

There is always one bore. He's not unrelated, he's her step son. Go take your step mother hating elsewhere you dragon.

timetochangethering · 17/09/2023 08:21

I have older teenagers who are sensible... Not a chance would I leave them home alone for a week and certainly not one who had been "acting out"...you are asking for trouble.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 17/09/2023 09:19

timetochangethering · 17/09/2023 08:21

I have older teenagers who are sensible... Not a chance would I leave them home alone for a week and certainly not one who had been "acting out"...you are asking for trouble.

After reading the thread I thought that too. There's not a chance I'd be leaving him home alone DF this point.

DisquietintheRanks · 17/09/2023 09:50

sunintheeast · 16/09/2023 16:51

I agree with answers but whilst he was out with dh I went through his bag. I know not good on my part ! No cash but Tobacco. Rizlas vapes etc. And with no job can only conclude must be getting the money from somewhere. Feel proper mugged off.

Is you SS an adult ? If a child does he not get an allowance?

If money is missing you need to raise it with all members your family. If you accuse your SS and it turns out your ds took it or your dh borrowed it out of your purse that morning you are going to do huge damage.

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 17/09/2023 09:53

Take the bag. Get rid of the stuff. Give him non-verbal cues that let him know that you know.

Original poster
sunintheeast · 19/09/2023 07:02

Yes I agree we shouldn't have gone but dh has had two major operations this year and ss was supposed to be with his mum. I was putting us first after a rubbish year. His nan was going to stay but he convinced us he was fine. As it is we will prob come home early. Am also cross his mum seems to have washed her hands. For info he is 18 in a few weeks. And I feel bad about the bag. Not my style...

OP posts:
BackAgainstWall · 19/09/2023 23:02

Don’t feel bad about looking in his bag.

You needed evidence and it looks like you found it.

If people stoop so low as to steel, they then have to suffer the consequences of that.

Beautifulsunflowers · 19/09/2023 23:07

Tell him you were going to give him £20 for pizza while you were away but now can’t afford to as money has mysteriously vanished……..

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