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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

I can't cope with my son's food issues

26 replies

MerryMarigold · 13/09/2023 19:49

He's not anorexic, so I know I'm lucky he does eat. But he won't eat decent food I've cooked and I have to cook separate shite for him nearly every day, or else we need to eat shite with him (we do sometimes because I don't want to cook 2 meals every day). He also won't eat unless food is in front of him, so there is no point saying get him to cook his own food: he will probably grab one plain wrap or a plain roll or chocolate biscuits. And his behaviour will be even worse than it is already because he's starving and nutritionally deprived. How old is this child? He'll be 18, yes EIGHTEEN next month.

I've just had enough today. I'm really tired, menopausal and I cooked a lovely meal which the 4 of us ALL enjoyed (2 other teens) except for him. I really thought about him, cut the onions big so I could remove them easily, used baby sweetcorn because it's one of the 3 veg he eats, cooked the rice plain because it can't have anything in it etc. He still refused to eat anything. Said it's disgusting because he could see other things on my plate which I'd removed from his.

When he's stressed he's a lot worse - his eating, his rudeness, his anger issues. He is borderline underweight and has had a cough all summer because I don't think he eats well enough to be healthy. His diet is basically 95% ultra processed food (including energy drinks every lunchtime). If I can get one veg OR fruit into him per day that's an achievement. We're just one week into Year 13. I don't think I can do the rest of the year, let alone when he's doing the actual A levels. The food is one part of it but it's representative of the rest of just how fucking difficult he is. He doesn't have a diagnosis other than inattentive ADHD when he was 7. It's so hard to get a doc appointment, let alone for something vague like eating/ stress/ anger.

I know this is just a vent but please... Any words of calm, empathy, wisdom. I just want to cry.

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 14/09/2023 09:01

I do find fruit and veg the most difficult foods to expand and it doesn’t make sense - DS loves sprouts but won’t eat a kiwi, I can’t figure that out.

So true. It's also got so much smaller in teen years. He used to eat cherry tomatoes, all the berries, mango, pineapple, peas, green beans. When diagnosed with the ADHD, his diet was a lot better. It's very much 'j km his mind' ie. He will eat all sorts of frozen chicken so it's not about then being exactly the same as some children with ASD, just that 'frozen chicken bits are nice' and 'fruit and veg are not nice'. Apples can be any sort because apples are OK.

I found the more I pulled back to reduce stress around eating, the more restrictive he got. Through Y11 and GCSEs I basically let him have just junk food as I knew he'd eat it and he was hardly eating. It's now been impossible to go back to things like spag bol and macaroni cheese, which he ate until he was 15. I'm also worried he will get sick of certain things (Hawaian pizza being an example) so it's a vicious circle. He cuts more out so then he gets sick of what he likes! I like to try things which are close to what he likes to expand a bit.

The shakes are a really good idea. I might save that for close to exams when he's really struggling to eat anything. And yes, I really did not want him to do A levels as I saw the stress he was under with GCSEs- but school felt safer for him than something different. He then chose difficult A levels (physics and maths) which he's finding very hard. This summer we had chats about swapping course but he refused. So yes, parenting this age is hard. You can't force them, they will follow their own path, but at the same time you need to make them aware of the choices and the pros and cons of each one.

Also I will do the days of the week vitamin pot (I have one myself). I'm pretty bad at remembering, but he's very good at remembering routines so that could work for him.

Thank you all so much.

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