Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

How can I help DS13 with friendships?

9 replies

MiniPinny · 12/09/2023 10:56

Feeling a bit useless in terms of what I can do to help my 13 year old son with friendships at school.
He seemed to lose touch with the friends he had at primary after moving into year 7.
He’s had a couple of new friendships until it transpired that they were using him in some way or just haven’t behaved in a way that you would expect a friend to.

Recently he thought he’d made a good friend (I’ll call him Paul), but when Paul was with other friends he would ignore him and the final straw seemed to be when Paul pushed him and told him to go away.
he didn’t speak to Paul during the summer, now Paul is acting like they can be friends again. My son is confused about Paul’s behaviour and it’s making him anxious.
(I don’t know Paul and have never met him)

There are other boys he is friends with, but he doesn’t know what to do when the boys are with their other friends.
My son doesn’t feel like he has anything in common and doesn’t know what to say.

I’ve suggested to him that if he doesn’t know what to talk about just ask other people about themselves , the usual things.

He does have a good friend outside of school.

He’s a quiet and sensible boy, but with a good sense of humour and a lot of fun with the people he’s close to.

How can I help him with his relationships?

OP posts:
MiniPinny · 12/09/2023 10:58

I have suggested that he tries to join some after school clubs as well but he says there isn’t anything he’s interested in.😩

OP posts:
MiniPinny · 12/09/2023 19:10

anyone?

OP posts:
Hazey19 · 12/09/2023 19:12

Does he play sport or do any other activity he can do at school? I found this really helped my child when he started secondary school. A common ground?

Hazey19 · 12/09/2023 19:13

Sorry I saw your comment about after school activities. Does he game online? I hate the gaming BUT it has really helped with friendships.

MadamWhiteleigh · 12/09/2023 19:19

This might not be what you want to hear but to a certain extent, you have to let him work it out himself.

Encourage him to talk to you about it and make sure you listen.

Support the friendships he does have by having them round yours, giving lifts, supplying funds.

Do your best to boost his self-confidence in whatever ways you can.

But otherwise, he has to fend for himself in the playground and work through it.

MiniPinny · 13/09/2023 17:19

thank you

He does game online. It was actually a good way of maintaining friendships during lockdown.
He was gaming online with Paul but that obviously ended after the incident.
He hasn’t found anyone else who plays the same games.

he doesn’t play sport . Like most kids he’s tried a couple of things and had phases, but nothing that he’s stuck at. Not really keen on football and definitely doesn’t like rugby. Agree it would be easier if was into something!

I know I can only help in limited ways. He knows he can have friends anytime, I did suggest that with Paul before things went wrong.

OP posts:
user1496146479 · 20/10/2023 01:59

I feel like I could have written this thread!
It's heartbreaking!

Glendaruel · 20/10/2023 04:48

I can remember being 14 and finding it tough. My Dad came home from a meeting and said he met a lady who ran ranger guides, didn't know if it was of interest but would pin her number on his study noticeboard. Cleverest thing he did. If he had pushed it, I wouldn't have joined, but few weeks later I gave her a ring. Best decision I made as I found a supportive group.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 20/10/2023 08:21

This might seem like a bit of an odd suggestion but has he read "How to Win Friends and Influence People". There's a reason that it's still recommended decades after it was written, it's a great book.

Has he thought about looking into Explorers? I think our will take from 13.5.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page