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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Mixed sleepovers at 13

28 replies

bravesmile · 03/03/2008 16:51

DD (13) went to friend's birthday sleepover, and I discovered after the event that it was a mixed group (who all 'crashed' in the same room). Not happy about this - does anyone have any experience? Is it commonplace?

OP posts:

Kbear · 03/03/2008 16:52

ooh no Mrs, wouldn't allow that, ooh no not at all.

LadyOfWaffle · 03/03/2008 16:55

I went to mixed sleepovers at that age... never an issue at all, we didn't bed hop or anything! IMO if you make in an issue, it will become one if that makes sense. And then she may start fibbing about it. I presume there was an adult there?

procrastinatingparent · 03/03/2008 16:58

My friend's extremely liberal parents would let anyone sleep over at their house with two provisos: that their parents always knew where they were (didn't want to harbour runaways) and that the sexes sleep in different rooms (didn't want anyone getting pregnant on their watch, as it were). There's no way I would be as liberal as they were regarding booze, drugs, etc but I think that if, as laidback as they were, they still had those rules then they were probably good ones.

I'd be extremely unhappy about this if it were me.

JingleyJen · 03/03/2008 16:58

bravesmile, how well do you know the parents whose house it was.. do you trust their judgement?

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 03/03/2008 17:03

The major point is how much you trust your child.

choosyfloosy · 03/03/2008 17:06

Yes but tdwp, trust to do what? and what about the others in there?

I would have been utterly gobsmacked at 13 if this had happened to me, although I was at a girls' school so i guess it's different.

I think for the sake of both boys and girls i would keep mixed sleepovers apart at least til the age of consent. not very logical but that's how i would handle it. however, no point in making a huge deal of it in retrospect, just try to establish with any future parents what's going to happen. thanks v much for this thread as i consider it a pre-warning!

beansmum · 03/03/2008 17:10

I would be slightly bothered by the fact that you only found out after the event. I would assume parents would ask me if this was ok, but maybe it's common and they just didn't think it was a big deal

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 03/03/2008 17:14

Well I went to a mixed school and certainly wouldn't have been bothered at that age, for me boys were friends, perhaps a peck type kissing but nothing more.
I don't know if things are different now but I am mid twenties so it can't have changed that much?

noddyholder · 03/03/2008 17:15

It is quite common.I think 13 is still quite young and last summer ds had a glastonbury party in our garden with tents and boys and girls and all was fine.I think if it was this year there may be a bit more snogging etc but thats life

Peapodlovescuddles · 03/03/2008 17:23

Mine have hosted mixed sleepovers and been to plenty (DS 15, DD 14) and I haven't ever been bothered by it, they're just mates, there's a big gang of them, I know mine are reasonably sensible and they're just watching a film/having a laugh together. TBH, so what if there is a bit of snogging going on? I'd rather they are at a friends house or their own than hanging out on a street corner somewhere...

peasoup · 03/03/2008 17:29

There would have been ALL SORTS going on if we'd had mixed sleepovers me and my mates when we were thirteen! Boys try VERY hard to talk you into stuff if my memory serves me correctly. Luckily I found it more fun to annoy them by turning them down.

Original poster

bravesmile · 03/03/2008 18:03

The mum in question assumed DD had told me who else was staying. Will be asking in future, and would feel happier about separate rooms. DD is at a girls school & doesn't know the boys very well (or so she says) I think its all fairly innocent at the moment, but it won't always be and the parents are going to be the last to know.

OP posts:

Wisteria · 03/03/2008 18:06

If they're going to do naughty things with each other they'll do them anyway, nothing you'll be able to do to stop them - more unlikely at a sleepover to be honest, will be too busy looking cool....

mumeeee · 03/03/2008 18:10

I would not have been happy about that.

ravenAK · 03/03/2008 18:10

Should be relatively innocent if there's a big gang all piled into one room!

I'd probably be relaxed about it (or at least pretend to be...) - it's when they lie & tell you they're at a mate's & actually they're bunked up somewhere with the bf/gf on their own you'd want to start worrying.

FrannyandZooey · 03/03/2008 18:11

so do you leave them on their own during the day?

this obsession with keeping people apart AT NIGHT always makes me , just as it did when I was a teenager

not letting my bf stay overnight didn't stop me having sex with him, not when we were on our own in the house for hours and hours during the daytime

however I am sorry you are worried about your 13 y o - it is a vulnerable age and I can see you are concerned generally - I don't think this particular thing is that dodgy, though

Wisteria · 03/03/2008 18:47

totally agree with F&Z, my bf and I regularly had sex in my bedroom in the middle of the afternoon with my DM shouting "tea and crumpets anyone?" up the stairs you can imagine.........

He wasn't allowed to stay the night though 'oh no'

mumblechum · 04/03/2008 13:17

My ds went to a mixed sleepovers of 14 yr olds recently and was that one couple got completely nekked and were snogging in front of everyone.

Apparently they got their clothes back on when everyone started telling them to

Original poster

bravesmile · 04/03/2008 16:03

Oh blimey, didn't reckon with exhibitionists!

OP posts:

Original poster

bravesmile · 04/03/2008 16:23

I take the point about not being able to prevent any goings on between determined teens, but allowing mixed sleepovers feels a bit like colluding with it. Also a bit concerned that some kids might feel awkward & out of their depth although i know dd wouldn't admit it even if she did. I'd have hated it at 13, but then it never arose way back then (still daren't mention this to grandma!)

OP posts:

Blandmum · 04/03/2008 16:29

nonononononononono

Can you not remember being 13?????

Are you insane

Original poster

bravesmile · 04/03/2008 16:37

please explain martianbishop, what do you remember about being 13?

OP posts:

Mumcentreplus · 04/03/2008 16:40

I have to say at 13 I would not have wanted to same sex sleep over I found boys irritating and immature...and cold sore covered ((shudder))

Blandmum · 04/03/2008 16:42

I love my kids, but at 13 I was a semi sane, hormonaly crazed individual!

I was a nice person, still am, but at the time I wasn't fully in control of my emotions, and lacked the confidence to look after myself as much as I should have.

While I hope that I'm raising my kids to be more confident, I would say that kids of 13 (and I've taught quite a few) and not fully capable of making fully informed choices about their bodies.

It doens't make them bad, it makes them 13

and yes, they will do naughty things any way, giving them the green flag for a bit naughty will tip them into even naughtier behaviour ime

PotPourri · 04/03/2008 16:43

Oh no, I wouldn't allow. Sorry. 13 year olds are getting into that hormonal stage - what if they experiment or worse. When I think what we got up to at 13....erm,. No way! It's asking for trouble putting temptation right there!!

Peer pressure. If others are doing stuff, yours might just to 'fit in'.

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