DD16 ever changing plans

[SilverGlitterBaubles]

DD is driving me nuts so hopefully some of you wise people can help. When it comes to her doing anything, meeting friends or seeing her boyfriend she will say is will be back at x time but her plans always seem to change and the time gets stretched later and later. My issue with this is that I think ok she is using public transport getting back at a reasonable time so I think ok I can get on with my evening. But no this will then keep evolving where it gets later and dark to a point when walking alone is not safe. So my plans are thrown into chaos and I am forced out of bed doing last minute pick up. I have asked her to try plan ahead, thinking about what time she will be back considering how to get back or to let us know if she needs a pick up in advance so I can also plan my time accordingly but this does not happen. We are not bloody UBER and I cannot put every other evening on hold waiting for her to decide what she is doing. I'm fed up of her lack of communication and understanding. Would appreciate others thoughts and perspectives. TIA

There need to be consequences or it will not change if you bail her out every time.
If talking about it, explaining, giving her time to organize herself, has not helped, I would try a different approach. This might not be a popular opinion, but I might consider grounding her (for a day, not long) or having her pay for an uber, once.

Oh believe me I have tried with the consequences which usually ends up in a massive drama and how we are just being totally unreasonable and overreacting. We both work FT and have early starts and I am
bloody exhausted at the end of the day. We are more than willing to do a certain amount of ferrying around, but thinking I have a free evening and can go the the gym and have an early night is scuppered by by last minute plans which with then keep changing. Grrrrr it is so infuriating but I would 100% prefer my DD to be safe rather than take risks walking alone.

Totally get where you are coming from BUT
Not all teens are organised - their plans change and this impacts on your teen so do they go with the new plan or change it etc
And I don't think they have the experience and ability to juggle multiple priorities and plans - my approach has been that we will always rescue from wherever whenever no questions (at the time) but help them to plan how they will get home, what will they do if they are running later - where can they go to wait for the next train / bus safely - will they be with someone - so they are thinking about back ups as plans always change

But yes it's a real bugger to not know if you can have that glass of wine / early night etc and then the text comes in asking for a lift!

Honestly, I would be allowing a little bit of flexibility but within a set structure that you are happy with. For example, if she wants you to collect her one night I would state that you are happy to collect her until 11pm (or whatever time you're happy with). If she then delays and changes plans, I would still go out and collect her but I would not be giving her lifts for the next week or so (insert time frame in here). Of course, I would be discussing this with her in advance, and then carry it through.

Oh believe me I have tried with the consequences which usually ends up in a massive drama and how we are just being totally unreasonable and overreacting.

So, she rants and raves about how unreasonable you are? Who cares? Do you stick to the consequences? What consequences have you tried?

thinking I have a free evening and can go the the gym and have an early night is scuppered by by last minute plans which with then keep changing

I wouldn't accommodate really last minute plans, if I had already made plans. Why do her plans trump yours? Obviously to a certain extent she has you over a barrel in that of course you will ultimately pick her up. But I wouldn't be driving her out to somewhere at really late notice if, to use your example, I'd already changed into my gym gear. And if I was forced into a last minute plan when I needed an early night, I'd agree with her the time I was picking her up, and that's when I'd be there, I wouldn't have "I know I said 10, but can it be 11?" "Actually now can you come at midnight?" etc.