DS13 exclusions - not a clue what to do next

[DungareesAndTrombones]

DS13 is diagnosed dyslexic, dyspraxic, has Irlen syndrome and is on the pathway to an ADHD assessment. He is so impulsive and ridiculous and unfortunately he's 6 foot already.

He has just gone into Y9 and continued from his atrocious attitude in Y8 and has got himself excluded today for being so angry he was shouting, swearing and punching doors.

Unfortunately, whilst I agree that having a 6 foot dick head punching things in school is absolutely out of order I don't have any faith that they support him properly with his additional needs and I often think this contributes.

What to do? I am so upset because he is 100% a dick head I love him so much and I think some of this comes from a fear of failure, and machismo of being well 'ard in front of his pals.

Oh he's also smoked weed, been caught vaping and had to go to hospital in an ambulance because he got himself so drunk.

He actually cried tonight I think from frustration. I am crying writing this and would welcome any advice at all.

I don't have experience of a child with ADHD or other SEN but didn't want to leave you unanswered.

I feel like you need support from people who know how to work with children like your son. There have been many in this situation and with the right help progress can be made. After the diagnosis comes that would mean he'll get ADHD-relevant input.

He must be quite scared of himself, I understand why he's crying. You must be so worried too.

What help does he currently have in place and what more do you feel you might be able to access?

If you're stuck worrying today would talking to a helpline like Family Lives help you? Do you have people to talk to?

Is there scope to take him for a walk or something today, just get out of the house?

Is it just you at home?

Is the school providing coloured paper, extra processing time? Could he be trusted with a time out pass? Are all his teachers actually making the adaptions for his dyslexia and irlens?

What does his time look like at home? Is it structured? Controlled screen time? Does he have hobbies?

Is there a member of staff at school that he likes, and who more importantly likes him? What’s the pastoral structure, does he have a Head of Year or similar? Start there and with the SENCO. He needs positive relationships and then to build things up from there. His teachers also need to have strategies put in place by the Senco to help him to succeed, it won’t solve all the problems by any means, but that kind of behaviour is often frustration based and a fear of failure and looking stupid if they cannot access the work.

What is he good at? Thrive on? He needs a good dose of this to help his self esteem.
He may be offered a placement at a pru- this should have all the adapted teaching and support built in.
he needs some success somewhere- is there something outside of school he is good at? Marshal arts? Basket ball? Drawing? Coding?

Does he have an EHCP?

To get an assessment you only need to show he has/may have SEN and that school don not seem to be able to provide adequate support as part of normal offer (or something like that).
Given he has diagnoses the first part is simple, and an exclusion rather indicates the second too.

Did you see the recent BBC2 2-part programme called 'helping our teens' (available on iplayer). Might be worth a watch if only to see what could be possible.

Reading this because my 13 year old was excluded today for punching someone. It’s really unlike him, and I am going insane with worry and I don’t understand what is going on with him 😞.