Really need advice

[mummy2freddybear]

Hi, on Saturday for the 2nd day in row my almost 17 year old son attacked his 14 year old sister. I witnessed the incident on Saturday, he back handed her right across the face, he really hurt her nose and she was distraught.
I'm not sure what happened on Friday as I was at work but my partner was in the other room and said he was very aggressive with her.
On Saturday I immediately told him to get out, we've been having a lot of issues with him lately, he's drinking and smoking weed, has no respect for me or the house, refuses to follow house rules and has basically spent all summer sleeping all day and up all night, which I know is typical teenage behaviour., so this incident was the final straw.

He been staying at his grandparents since Saturday but they have said he can't stay there forever but my partner is refusing to have him back in the house, I'm reluctant as my daughter is actually terrified of him, he's also showed aggression to me in the past and he actually pushed me the other day and I nearly fell - I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant so it wouldn't have been good if I had.
His excuse for hitting his sister is that she shouldn't speak to her older sibling in the manner she did and he hit her to teach her a lesson so it's actually scary to have him around her, especially when they are home alone.

I just don't know what to do, I can't let him be homeless but at the same time I can't have him in the house. My parents think I should speak to safe guarding at school and I think that is the route I'm going to go.
Has anyone else been in this situation?

I love my son to death and just want the best for him!

Call the police. He assaulted someone more than once.

Your son is going to violently assault future girlfriends and wives OP

You need to urgently involve the school for support. The police will no doubt be contacted

You have started another two threads in the last fortnight

one about your partner of 2.5 once again sexting an ex girlfriend

and you’re most recent one…. You’re pregnant by him

honestly op - what the hell is going on

I think when someone of that age violently assaults someone you have to take it very seriously. Unfortunaly your DD is a victim of domestic violence and must be protected and supported.

This page gives some info that might be useful and also has links to other pages https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/behaviour/teen-violence-at-home?referer=/browse/30147/anger-and-violence

One thing that stood out to me was this: Ignoring the behaviour won’t make it go away – It is really hard to go through this, but playing it down won’t help it go away. If it is not addressed, the violence could increase and become a life-long pattern; help them break the pattern.

Don't have your son back in your house. If he has to present to the council as homeless, that is the result of his own behaviour. Tell him clearly that hitting his sister is never acceptable and that he will not be coming back.

I'm so sorry your going through this. I'm going through simlar with my 16 year old. It's hard work and pretty awful.

I kicked my son out for a bit he ended up at his sisters place for a bit
Social services became involved because of his age. And then they work with you to have your child home. Even though he's aggressive/violent. I'm still In the situation although things have got a little better. Really just a heads up to let you know. Its not as simple as just kicking them out. But maybe services where you are better.

But so what - what does it matter how many posts she has up on MN? Isn’t mumsnet meant to be a place where you can vent, ask for advice, escape to etc? Surely OP can help post as many times as she likes, on here?

Is your partner his dad?

Thank you for saying this I was going to say similar. I have several posts about my situation. It messes with your head practically, mentally and emotionally. Op should post as much as she likes even if she's repeating stuff. Anything that helps her.

Because it is frightening the environment this unborn baby is joining

@Dizzybelle
Thank you, I'm having a pretty hard time at the moment.

My daughter is back at school tomorrow so I'm going to speak to the safeguarding team and see where I can go from there

‘I can’t let him be homeless’

And why not exactly? He’s done that to himself.
You can’t have him back, OP. It’s not safe for you, DD or your tiny new baby when they arrive.

He chose to act this way towards his family. If he wants to be big bully man, he can sort himself out.
Failing that, I’m sure they’ll have a cell for him when you report him for assaulting DD.

It's not actually as simple as you think. Social services become involved etc .

@CoteDOpale if I just kick him out and wash my hands of him what sort of future is he going to have???
Yes he's made mistakes but he's a young lad with his whole life ahead of him, given the chance he can make something of himself!

I don't want to see my son begging in the streets, going hungry getting cold in winter.

What sort of mother would I be?

You'd be the sort of mother who protected her other children from being punched in the face by their older, bigger sibling

Your concern is in the wrong place.

Your son is a thug.

He has assaulted your daughter multiple times.

She needs to tell school.

You need to involve the police.

He needs to live elsewhere and never enter your home again.

He's a violent thug.

You should rethink this pregnancy and focus on the children you have.

Adding another child into such chaos is a really bad idea, particularly as your relationship is so unstable and your partner is unfaithful.

Focus on your daughters safety and protecting her from her violent thug of a brother.

It really is hard to believe you haven't involved the police after multiple assaults on her.

She must be terrified of him.

You are failing her utterly by concerning yourself with him.

Focus on your terrified daughter not your thugish son.