Teenage tantrums

[thisbathiscoldnow]

Another family afternoon out ruined due to DD13s horrific attitude.
75% of the time she's lovely, helpful and funny but my god she can flip and be the biggest brat on the planet.
Sometimes feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her trying not to upset her to set her off on one.
This afternoon we (me, OH DD and DS10) nipped to a local park where there's mini golf so we decided to have a game. All was good until she started losing, then came the stropping. Threw her golf ball as hard as she could across the path and it nearly hit someone. Shouting at us all that it was our fault because we were winding her up (we weren't, we'd had a few jokes about bad shots but not all directed at her) anyway she hates us all and of course non of it is her fault.

How do you cope with this? I just want to cry

Bump

Can you give some other examples of her behaviour? What is she like in school?

(Assuming no underlying needs) I would recommend a serious chat where you set out your expectations. Use phrases like, ‘I feel unable to take you out when you behave this way, what do you suggest?’. If you find yourself in this situation again, straight home (like a toddler) and no treats until she’s made improvements.

(Philippa Perry’s book ‘The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read’ has a brilliant section on talking to teenagers. She suggests framing conversations around what you yourself feel uncomfortable with, and making trust a big deal).

Thanks for the replies

@TheOutlaws at school she's fine. No issues, in the upper sets, consistent with her grades and always good comments about attitude etc.
She has a nice group of friends (as far as I can tell) and seems socially very happy within school.

We have chatted and she admitted her behaviour wasn't good but she always pulls out the 'I'm a teenager I can't handle my emotions' card. Basically I feel like she uses that every time something doesn't go her way! I'll try reading the book you recommended @NuffSaidSam, thank you.