Do your teen DCs give you anxiety or is it just me?

[SmellsLikeTeenSpirits]

DD (15) is a (mostly) lovely kid. She has ADHD which does seem to cause more than the average amount of friendship issues. I find myself getting really anxious on her behalf whenever she's in the middle of some mild drama or other. eg. Today she is out with a couple of mates and has messaged to say that they're being weird with her and it's really awkward. This is fairly standard - she struggles to keep her friends long-term and I feel like i'm always poised for the inevitable fallout.

Is this standard teenage stuff and should I chill out? Or do any of you also find yourselves with a knot in your stomach over your DCs and if so do you have any tips on how to deal with it? I am perimeno so this quick anxiety could be that?

Sounds familiar to me, for one of mine anyway. I have different kinds of worries about the other (MH related, risky behaviours).

Lots of Oh Dear's but never slate her mates. Even when she does. She will remember and declare you hate them. Cue more drama than this initial drama!
Recently a hack for saving dc from unconditionally situations with friends is she sends you an agreed code word via text for Ring Me And Say I Need To Come Home. This ending her awkward /awful meet up...

Yes and mine does and I do think SEND adds another layer to those usual anxieties too.

What is your daughter doing to manage her ADHD?I have ADHD and rejection sensitivity dysphoria has had huge impact on my life and I believe is the greatest disabling factor of ADHD. I’ve heard guanfacine can have a huge impact on managing this.

Sounds like rejection sensitive Dysphoria to me.

My dd has ADHD. She's a couple of years older than yours, but yes, I feel anxious a lot if the time about her. I'm
Having therapy with an excellent psychotherapist to try and help me work on it.

She takes ConcertaXL but is off it for the holidays. Will look at Guanfacine - thank you. Have found her a counsellor who specialised in ADHD so am hoping that will help too. Do you feel you manage your RSD now or is still debilitating?

I have wondered whether I should be talking to someone about it. My DH feels I get too involved and I do feel that my reactions aren’t always helpful. I do find the repetitive loop of behaviours stressful as I feel she never learns and worry things won’t get any easier for her. Hence finding her a counsellor- so she has someone to talk to that’s just for her (and isn’t emotionally involved!). Have you seen any easing as your DD matured?

It is quite overwhelming. I would like to separate myself a bit so that I can help without feeling every blow 😵‍💫

I have adhd and suffer quite a lot with rejection sensitivity. I know it's a different relationship but I've been happily married for many years and it's because my DH is supportive without getting involved in the drama. It really helps as it gives me time to process things, which was much better than my family, who always escalated my stresses.

If she's having hormonal issues, look into sorting those as they make the adhd 100x worse.

It seems standard stuff to me . And it wouldn’t even occur to me not to feel anxious if my dd is anxious and unhappy ? As long as it’s up and down and not down all the time ?

@SmellsLikeTeenSpirits things have definitely improved a little. Dd wasn't diagnosed until 15. She's off to university in 3 weeks' time. My anxiety will change. I will know far less about what's going on which means there are things that I'll worry less about. However, her being away, wondering how her studies are going, whether she's coping with organisation, new friends etc etc etc will definitely cause me some anxiety! I'll be having regular sessions with my psychotherapist! 😬

I would definitely recommend finding a good therapist.

Yes !!
totally relate to this
stomach in knots fearing the next fall
out / friendship issue
i have just discovered RSD and it seems to describe my DD totally …
she isn’t adhd - at least I never considered it
but she has dyslexia

RSD isn't only associated with ADHD, but there is a very strong link between the two.

ADHD and Dyslexia are often found together. Girls with ADHD often mask incredibly effectively, so it can be hard to spot the signs. Emotional overwhelm, anxiety, overthinking, daydreaming, poor organisation etc are all traits more often seen in girls.

My teen suffers anxiety now and again and is currently having a flare up, when she is in this state she constantly ask me what I have said amd gets stressed out if I don't tell her again, she asks me to repeat myself, or she will say is that what you said. She is very bright and I think its the hols which ha e got to her and she is bored. I remember the school nurse saying that this behavior is her way of coping has anyone else experienced this ? I myself suffer with anxiety and its very stressful

I can definitely relate to this DD adhd/RSD, it is getting little better as DD is maturing - however she has gone from withdrawing herself more due to having so many fall outs/drama!

She's good at making new friends however SM is her downfall, she goes in strong sometimes, also overshares!! All is well for the first few days/weeks but then like you @SmellsLikeTeenSpirits the inevitable fall out happens, so many times now, again never learns 🙁 ! She is aware of things but just cant seem to help herself!
TIPS - My DD goes to a couple of youth/drama clubs where there is a mix of ages - she does much better at these (mostly) & when there has been a drama - adults are there - this gives me peace of mind. I also do Breathe and body 10 mins mindfulness when I can - this helps me a lot - and I have noticed myself feeling a lot calmer and able to cope.
@Rob3bob I asked about guafacine and RSD at last DR appt but they said it came with side effects and that Medikinet was the best option. I really wish there was a solution to the RSD too because seems to be a major issue in friendships - it's sad and I worry about the future, apart from clubs she has seen no one over the hols. I feel very apprehensive about the new term - new course -new people but cant help but hope this time it will be different!!!!

This sounds familiar to me regarding my DS, I totally understand what you mean. No help to offer, just unmumsnetty hugs.

Yes, I spend my life in a perpetual state of stress/anxiety. Eldest is ASD and had a late diagnosis so I went through it all for many years. Every mood I second guess and if I'm not on alert I worry I will miss something.

Because he's got ODD it makes discipline difficult and everything has to be done through coaching/engagement. So certain moods can make things really worrying.

Youngest is NT and generally less causes me less stress/anxiety as it's much more straightforward to set boundaries and discipline (although he rarely misbehaves). I do still worry about him though as I'm sure any parent does about their child.

I need help with this also. Struggling to separate myself from dd 16 and teen issues. My anxiety is awful.

Could you afford some sessions with a really good therapist?