Help

7 replies

Bex09091 · 24/08/2023 08:01

My daughter is 14 next month and she’s recently got a boyfriend. I found pictures on her phone of them lying in her friends bed, and I am so upset and angry. I fell pregnant at 16, and I know what you get up to at that age, I’m terrified that she’ll end up like me and I never wanted that for her. She’s never been interested in boys it’s just very recently and I don’t like it one bit. I’ve told her to talk to me if she feels that they’re going to do stuff and I will get her the contraception, and also told her if she gets pregnant she’s on her own.

OP posts:

AuntieEsther · 24/08/2023 08:04

Wow, you're approaching this dreadfully. You don't have to 'like' her being interested in boys, it's going to happen. Telling her she'll be on her own if she gets pregnant? Nice. That will help her make good decisions 🙄 how about encouraging open communication? Maybe you could take her to the sexual health clinic to get some free condoms and a demonstration of how to use them and so she can learn about hormonal contraption for when the time comes?

Mischance · 24/08/2023 08:09

I’ve told her to talk to me if she feels that they’re going to do stuff and I will get her the contraception, and also told her if she gets pregnant she’s on her own.

What can I say? How likely is she to talk to you (if they are going to "do stuff") if she knows you would reject her at the drop of a hat if she makes a mistake?

She needs a supportive and loving conversation that helps her to understand that negotiating relationships with the opposite sex is a challenge when you are young and that you want to be by her side to help. Tell her you understand how strong feelings can be when you are young and also the urge to have sex. Talk with her about all the important things: contraception, infection, the law.

Be the adult - the calm and loving mentor. Tell her you will love her whatever mistakes she might make but you would rather avoid those mistakes.

Rejecting her in the off hand manner that you have done will not encourage her to turn to you for help.

rainbowstardrops · 24/08/2023 08:51

You told her she's on her own if she gets pregnant?! Really? Were you abandoned at 16 when you were pregnant?

Mumof1andacat · 24/08/2023 09:11

Was your dd the baby you got pregnant with at 16? You've probably made her feel like she is and was not wanted with a comment like that. Education is key and communication on relationships.

Bumdrops · 24/08/2023 09:11

Oh my goodness, help is the right word …
stop panicking and think this through
talk to her about relationships
contraception
consent
be supportive of her venturing into the world of teenage romance and all the pitfalls like risk of STD / pregnancy and how it’s important to not be pressured or in a rush to be sexually intimate
but let her know she can talk to you and you will be there for her !!!!

Fififizz · 24/08/2023 10:36

You’ve had an experience of teen pregnancy and don’t want the same for your daughter. That’s understandable but it’s normal for her interest in boys to be developing. As a parent you have to try not project your experience and fears onto this situation and support your daughter’s healthy development. Can you get some support for you to discuss any unresolved feelings you might have from your teen pregnancy and try and be for your daughter the parent that you needed at 14 and that you didn’t have?

SarahW09 · 26/08/2023 05:38

Oh I would be quite concerned as well. Talking does help but teens aren't known for being forthcoming with the truth. I would be explaining why you don't want her to be a teen mum and sharing your experiance with her. Tell her she has all the time in the world for all that and enjoy being a kid for as long as she can. I would also be telling her what the boundaries are relationship wise. Good luck, you are doing the right thing.

Flip