DD travelling abroad to meet Tinder date. Help!

[nationalvelvet]

I found out this morning that DD has booked flights to France to stay with a guy she met on Tinder. She met him in person a couple of months ago in the UK, and they went on 2 dates before he went off to France. They’re both 18.

I have also met him and he seems like a nice boy but is this crazy? She hasn’t travelled on her own before and she’s committing herself to staying in his flat for several days.

She’s an adult, using her own money and I can’t tell her what to do, but this has made me very nervous. I could potentially go as well and find an Airbnb but she would no doubt be horrified! We get on well but I can see how this would be overstepping the mark. Should I just be ok with this? What advice can I give her?

oh this is so tricky. Everyone will tell you she’s an adult and you can’t stop her (true). I’d be alerting her to news stories about similar incidents that have gone badly wrong, play it as if you’re her best friend , ask if she’d be comfortable with sharing her location with you , arranging a certain time of day to be in touch etc.
i’d also be doing a bit of covert Internet stalking to check he is who is he says etc.
France is not so far, and you can get there fairly cheaply and quickly in an emergency.
i’d be making sure I had his address etc.
really hard op, likelihood is it’ll be absolutely fine, but I know why you’re concerned.

Thanks, yes he’s been thoroughly googled! I’ve asked for his address & phone number, and we usually share location so I don’t think that will be an issue.

I want to support her but I just wish she hadn’t chosen to do this. She’s moving away to uni next month & I was finding that difficult enough!

As you can't stop her (I'd want to), I'd make sure she has a clear escape plan if she's uncomfortable - before she goes, find a hotel nearby that she could go to, make sure she has emergency funds to pay for immediate transportation and hotels, and keep in touch with her.

It will probably be fine, but best to make sure she is prepared and knows exactly what to do if she's uncomfortable!

That's difficult, but you have met him before and you liked him, so remind yourself of that.

I would tell her that staying with someone, or going on holiday with them, can give you a different impression of them, so she may find she doesn't like him as much as she thought and that's OK, she can come home early if that happens. So treat it as if she's going away with a friend, so not too pressured. But do mention contraception to her!

Maybe share a story of how you went away with friends and one was annoying, so it's not a big deal if she changes her mind and doesn't want to stay with him. Worst situation would be if she felt uncomfortable with him but didn't think she could cut her losses for fear of losing face if you told her she shouldn't go.

Don't get an Airbandb - thought I'd probably want to aswell! - you need her to think that you trust her to make good decisions, even though that's very hard when they're so young.

Good luck, it's really hard when they're adults in theory but still so young.

Good idea, thanks. She definitely needs an escape plan, I’ll talk to her about that.

I know! I’ve just been browsing Airbnb but I need to step away

Try to remember they've already met and you liked him. So he is who you thought and this isn't travelling a distance and turning up to the unknown.

Although your DD doesn't know him well at this stage, that's always the case in a new relationship.

I did this exact same thing when I was younger, although the guy was different when I was there and we didn't really get on. Just make sure she has enough money to book somewhere else to stay if she needs to. I still had fun exploring the city. Make sure she's used to Google maps, Uber etc and maybe look what things are in the area for her to do if she does end up wanting to spend time on her own

Thanks @Fotophrame - absolutely, it would be far worse if I hadn’t already met him (or if she hadn’t!). But it does just seem like a lot of pressure when they hardly know each other (although they’ve been in contact every day since meeting…)

@Freshair87 Yup the first flush of romance might wear off when she sees his student digs! She’s done some travelling around Europe with friends before so hopefully will be confident enough to manage on her own if need be.

Well, she has met him before, and going to France is a relatively easy introduction to solo travelling; just make sure she has enough money to get a hotel room or a flight home if it doesn't work out.

Thanks very much all, I’m feeling slightly better.
When she gets back from work tonight we’ll have a chat about escape plans, finances - and fun stuff to do on her own if she immediately goes off him! And I’ll work on some deep breathing exercises or something 😣

My daughter did this on a 2nd date when she was 19. They've now been married 10 years!

That’s lovely @robinsnest1967 , it was meant to be!

I’m hoping DD comes back & finishes uni before there’s any talk of wedding bells though 😆

Hide her passport 😂 (just kidding) my nerves would be gone. Maybe suggest a movie night and watch Taken and it may subliminal message her into staying 😂

@MammaTo OMG I’m not watching that😨(I hadn’t actually thought of hiding her passport though, that’s very tempting 😆)