Have 2 teenage DC who both have ASD but very different in presentation and how to manage. It's tough going day in day out. On top of this ex-h has sporadic access, his work is shift work and days off change weekly so we have 0 routine at all. He pays minimal money, and does 0 parental admin/responsibility. He basically picks them up to have them when he's off, to do the fun stuff.
Any time I've given him any responsibility e.g when he had them the other week it clashed with DC orthodontist appt, one we have been waiting a year for, he missed it. So I've now had to re book and wait which means DC now has to come out of school and I have to have time off work to go, when the original appt fell when both ex and DC we're off.
He is honestly useless. Been trying to get on top of eldest DC as she is staying at bfs constantly and not looking after herself. Her ASD means she doesn't prioritise having showers, brushing her teeth, taking her 2x medication, watching her diet (part of her health issues) So I have said she needs to be home in the week but can go for the weekend. She stayed with her dad, he let her go daily and she came back still unwell having not taken any antibiotics for an infection. He fights me on every single thing, and listens to nothing I say.
This whole situation is causing more problems at home, I can't focus on my job and am just arguing with people. I don't want to go out because I am mentally drained from it all all the time.
Honestly I have given up and told him if he thinks he can do it better to keep them there and I'll have weekend contact when I'm off and just do the fun bits and he can do all the stuff I have to do.
I could be a good parent without any other influences but what with my current partner and his constant ideas of help which I don't actually need as I know what needs to be done, and their dad whose just completely clueless. I can't do it. I don't want to be in my own life anymore and I just don't know what to do