Apologies all for bringing this delicate matter here but I can use some advice. DD (16) is trying to access mental health support and spoke with a social worker who wanted to understand her needs. In the conversation she revealed she’d been the victim of sexual assault, twice. Both times being touched inappropriately. First happened when she was 11 on a summer camp outside the UK. Second was a bit over a year ago when she was 15, by her then boyfriend.
As parents we’re horrified, we had not been aware of this, certainly not to the extent that’s now emerging. But that’s a separate issue.
Because the person she was speaking with was a social worker and not a counsellor, social worker said she was duty bound to report both incidents to the police – this was an unwelcome surprise to DD.
DD is now very worried about the ramifications of police being aware of the second assault, by the ex-boyfriend. The boy – let’s call him Jim – is at the same school, same year group, same social circle so they see each other frequently, though they have largely been avoiding each other since the incident.
Jim has anger management issues and has record of violent outbursts and threatening behaviour. He has also sexually assaulted another girl in the same way (touching despite repeatedly being told no) but this second girl is not willing to go on the record. DD worries if Jim is now spoken to by police, he will blame her for ‘getting him into trouble’, and she worries about what he might do to her as a result.
Does anyone else have any experience on what might happen next?
Are the police even likely to follow this up given that there is no allegation of rape – would they view this as ‘teenage boys getting carried away’ and let it slide, especially if to them this looks like an isolated incident? Any idea of how quickly they follow up?
Could we expect that DD will be the first person to be spoken to, and that her wishes and concerns about next steps, especially the police contacting Jim, are taken into account? (she’d probably rather they didn’t!)
If police do speak to Jim, is it reasonable for us to push for a restraining order on Jim or similar to make sure he has to stay away from DD?
(I’m taking it as a given that if he is spoken to by police, the school will be made aware and this will result in an expulsion, especially since he already is on his final warning at school for separate issues. I sure hope I'm not wrong…)
We’re trying to manage this as best we can – all I want to do is support my daughter who is not only trying to deal with the trauma of what she’s been through but is now additionally worried about the reprisals she might be facing as a result of trying to get some help…