Why do 17 year old boys hate their single parent mothers ?

[HijoSinPadre]

I'm reduced to watching Jordan Petersen videos looking for the clue. My son seemed to direct a lot of anger and hatred towards me and got aggressive with me and I just froze and shrank. When I tried to ask for the smallest 'rule' to be respected he shouted me down. He's moved out now which is for the best. Not what I dreamt of when he was a golden hair toddler but this is for the best. I'm just trying to make sense of it. Even though I'm not a man, I was always in his corner, I never smothered him, I took the cue from him with regard to how chatty/affectionate to be. For the last three years he treated me like a parasite in his house. It's not great having no father around but you'd think a boy with no relationship with his father would not want to sabotage the relationship with his other parent.
The JP clips I've seen haven't really made it clear to me, what it is that boys specifically require.

I'm sorry OP, that sounds really rough for you.

In my albeit limited experience, I think it's the quiet background modelling of how a good Man behaves and interacts with people (particularly Women) that they need. Does your Son have other good Male family or friends role models?

Sorry to gear this OP. Hand hold to u.

I'd say it's largely about their peer group, except that the whole peer group can be damaged by one or more of them getting into one of these online misogynists.

I wouldn't waste time listening to Jordan Petersen videos or reading his stuff. Read cheerful things that you enjoy, do nice things, and stay in touch with occasional messages - ds will always respond to pictures of our cat. I also reinstated hugs, though I warn ds each time 'incoming hug'. Basically treat him as if that little golden haired boy that you adored is still in there somewhere, and be as cheerful as you can be.

They need to break away from you, psychologically and physically, and become their own man. They often do this, shall we say, imperfectly, i.e. being rude and vile to you.

It is a natural part of growing up, healthy even. The alternative is a forever mummies boy who never learns to be independent, have his own views, life and ultimately family.

It is worse when you are a SP as there is no father regulating this detachment from you, but don't worry, lots of teenage boys go through a similar 'hatred stage' with their fathers as they break away from them too but then they also 'challenge' them - if a boy is going to have a fight with their father it will be between the ages of 14-17!

Just sit tight and still tell him when he is being a dick.

It’s evolutionary , he’s meant to hate you for a while at this age, they are supposed to think you’re stupid and pathetic and you know nothing, and everything you are and do and stand for is repulsive and contemptuous and stupid. They are pre programmed to break away from you , and if they despise you it makes it easier! . It’s natural , it’s natures way of insuring they leave the nest and families don’t end up shagging each other. Just give him space and Don’t take it personally , when he’s older another retaliation will resume . All will be good .

Yes, thank you everybody, it's easier to get your own identity if you act like the person you need to disentangle yourself from is your enemy. not that we were ever enmeshed! far from it. I encouraged him to be as independent as he was able to be.

@PermanentTemporary did your son move out? My son broke something expensive in a rage a few months ago and I did show a picture of the big eyed curly haired little boy that is the same person. I'm not saying he's still that boy, but it's more like, THIS is why I still love you despite having to finally draw a line.

@hamstersarse his friends are good kids which gives me hope. He's friendly with one other 17 year old and I know that boy's mum, she's married and her h is around. It's not as though they are disciplinarians but just the presence of his dad in the house seems to prevent their son (my son's friend) from behaving as badly.

Anyway, thank you all. I hope one day we'll just kind of laugh about it and say, ah it was as stage we had to go through!

How has he seen other men treating you? Absolutely not blaming you by the way but could he have picked up the on this behaviour from other men in his life?

I hope he sorts himself out and you can build a healthy relationship. It must be heartbreaking.

First of all I wouldn't trust anything Jordan Peterson says a single bit - he is a notorious grifter. (Is it that your son watches him and you're looking to see what the appeal is?)

You might get something interesting out of the resources on this site, it's written by people who actually have a lot of experience helping parents with what you're dealing with:
https://whosincharge.co.uk/

It seems to be that it's about a lack of confident leadership combined with a certain personality in the child, it's fairly common for women to feel uncomfortable in a leadership role, this doesn't really matter so much when children are younger, because you naturally take responsibilty and they look up to you, but once they get to a certain age, if they are the kind of personality to be jostling for a "leader" position in the household, this can turn into controlling type behaviour, which is then coming from someone of adult male strength and size, and can understandably be very difficult to deal with.

I went through a bit of a bump with my ds around 15/16 or so. I think he found it a bit difficult being the only male in the house, so in a way thought he needed to step into the male of the household role iyswim. He did seem to be mimicking his fathers behaviour, so I guess he picked up more than I thought as a younger boy (when his dad was around ).

He began by speaking down to me, and just acting out of sorts in general.

One of the things that I think helped a lot, was that he started a sport which was very male orientated, and involved a lot of time together, basically just a male environment. He started to open up quite a lot to them, and he got male advice. And I think the fact it was from someone outside of our situation helped too.

And I did make it clear that I wasn't going to be spoken to like that, so the fact your ds moved, I am thinking it may be the same with you.

I have a DD too, and I really think he felt excluded surrounded by girls. He even commented on the fact we had a female dog too. We did actually end up getting a male, and he is ds's dog.

So apart from peers, I do think that having an absent father (if he does) may be a factor? But my ds is older now, we got though that patch and we are just as close now as we were before he morphed into teen boy phase.

It is hard though.

Is he into these online misogynists?

I work with a lot of young men who are, and they speak about women being leeches/whores/worthless especially if they become single parents as the failure is theirs (never the mans obviously). I know a lot of our young men speak so disrespectfully about their mothers due to having watched these vile YouTubers/tiktokkers

I disagree that acting aggressively towards his mum is natural. Well done for kicking him out OP.

Oh and they do it because there’s no stronger Alpha around to keep them in check.