Talking about sex with teens when you're asexual

[Acemum33]

I find it really difficult to be open with teen DC as i now feel (since Peri) not only totally asexual but actually pretty disgusted by most sexual acts and penises generally. I find it hard to explain or discuss things in anything other than biological ways as I can't personally understand why people would want to do half the things they do sexually. Any advice to try to be more sex positive? I have a very expressive face and voice and so find it hard to disguise my own revulsion.

I don’t really talk to my teenager about it other than not to just sleep with anyone and to use contraception

Not sure why you feel the need to make it 'more positive'? I don't think many teens need convincing there!

Also no need to share your experiences or personal feelings, I can't imagine they'd want that, it would just make them squirm.

I'd just present the fact and educate them on keeping safe and always being respectful/getting consent.

Give them the information they need - their hormones will do the rest.

Parents who are not asexual do not go into detail about what does or does not turn them on when talking about sex with their teenagers.

I find it hard to explain or discuss things in anything other than biological ways as I can't personally understand why people would want to do half the things they do sexually. Any advice to try to be more sex positive?

You really don't need to go beyond the biological basics and explain about consent.

Well I guess part of the discussion is that everyone likes different things and that's ok as long as it's not hurting anyone.

What age teen? If younger than hard bio facts is all they need. Do you feel like you need to explain to your older teen child how much fun you can get from a penis and how their pleasure is as important as the (other) man's? Unless there's some drop free about unhealthy relationships with DC I'm not sure you're needed to do that

I’ve talked to mine about the biology, keeping safe (from pregnancy and STDs), consent and online safety.
All of this has been from a biological, factual perspective. I haven’t discussed my sex life or my personal feelings about sex with them at all, and I imagine they’re quite grateful that I haven’t!

You say this is a recent development, so you must have understood those things at some point?

You don't need to go into detail, anyway. Nor do you need to want to like the things you're discussing - it's enough to say "some people want to have sex and that's normal, but you need to be safe [elaborate on safe in terms of contraception, consent, STIs etc]". You don't need it to be "some people do this and I agree with them that it's great" - this situation doesn't need you to enjoy sex, it just needs you to share facts and advice with your children.

I'm fine with being strictly factual and biological and would definitely be very focused on consent and not doing anything you are not happy with. I just find questions that might lead into why people might choose to do certain acts quite difficult to answer beyond wrinkling up my face in revulsion and saying, 'Fuck only knows!'

Well you don't have to say "Fuck only knows"! - why would you say that. Simply say because they find it pleasurable, and that is fine if consent is in place. You don't have to say whether it is pleasurable to you or not - that is irrelevant.

You are going to have to stop yourself projecting your negative view of sex. It is not about you.

I’d generally stick to facts around safe sex, consent, kindness, staying safe online. I really can’t imagine many teens asking questions of their parents about sex! If they do, just say that everyone enjoys different things and most important is consent

You won't be required to discuss your preferences or anybody else's. Your children do not want to know your thoughts about penises or vaginas, they just need to know how they work and how we look after them and the people they belong to.