Teens who rely on me to still entertain them

[wendall456]

I have a problem with my teens 17 and 15 which I feel bad posting about because I think when I hear how other people struggle with their teens I should be very grateful that I have kids that want to spend time with me and I don't want to be on games consoles 24/7.....

School time is fine as eldest has a job and when not at school has work to do or is at work - youngest does lots of helping at school clubs and performing but the holidays are the issue.

We don't have any games console and kids have zero interest in gaming or sport but both are very active so like to be busy all the time. Again in school time they have lots of friends - but not so much in the holidays as they don't like hanging out in groups and both hate drinking and vaping and don't feel safe being out and about with out an adult. So they want me to entertain them, just like when they were younger but we can't do parks, family fun days or library activities etc like when they were younger. They like going for walks, having an ice cream, mcdonalds or shopping but they don't like just staying in as they have no indoor hobbies. I work in a school and all I want to do is stay in some days and read my book or catch up with netflix because the term time is so busy with all the activities etc that in the term time I don't stop....... Why can't I have kids that want to be on a xbox??? I would get some time to myself then.

I have said tomorrow I want a day at home to do what I want "read and watch TV" so they have to entertain themselves. I suggested they go out without me on the bus but they don't like going out on their own without an adult!!!!!! Why? They are 17 and 15 and I want a bit of a life now.. . My DD said she really struggles now as family time has been cancelled by me and her dad. I want them to discover the world without relying on me and my DH. Is that so bad??? Anyone else have teens like this. As yet I haven't met anyone in real life with kids quite like mine.

My 17 year old doesn’t drink or hang out in gangs but will jump on and off buses and trains and go on days out with friends to big cities. They are just planning a summer holiday when they turn 18 in August. It was a struggle at first but eventually their confidence and independence grew.

I completely understand where you are. I'm a carer for my eldest and I love her to bits but I need space!
Could you see the next week or so as a baby step kinda timeframe. You get them involved in researching places to go, and public transport options. Then take them on that public transport to cinema/shopping center/activity center whatever they choose, but you then go to a library/coffee shop and they go do whatever they choose. Once they've done it with you, especially the transport part, they might feel more comfortable doing it without you?
Then after that you take a step back?

Yes, you've just described my youngest, who's in her late teens!

She does have a health issue that can be problematic and which means she can't drive, but on the whole it doesn't stop her, she is confident.
But she can't drink because of meds and doesn't vape. All the kids round here seem to have so much money, she has a job this summer, so that's a help. But everything with her age group seems to involve alcohol, eating out, constant Starbucks or shopping. She wants to be swimming, biking, walking, crafting, wishes there were still the kind of activities that you could sign up to over holidays etc. She doesn't do any sport as the club she attended closed down, other sports here are just too competitive now.
She volunteers with a charity. But she really just wants teens to hang with, she says I'm her best friend 😥. I have so much stuff I need to get on with, but she constantly wants to go out with me.

DD got her nails done yesterday with a friend from work who is much older than her - they then went for lunch she loved it but this friend is 25 she felt safe with her. She has gone out tonight as well but me and DH had to force her to go out as she really wasn't keen - we have told her we will be on stand up to pick her up anytime she doesn't feel safe. They have only gone to McDonalds but she reckons these girls are really planning on going to a pub with fake ID and getting drunk and using mcdonalds as a ploy to get her out!!!! She so overthinks everything. But on the other hand I wouldn't be surprised if this is maybe the plan.

When she is at work or school like I said she is fine it is just trying to find something she feels safe to do in her leisure time. Interesting about the autistic girls thing but literally up until the pandemic she was so confident and no pointers to autism at all. Her anxiety started on 8th March 2021 the day she went back to school after all the lockdowns. She has never been the same social butterfly she was before covid.

They are model teenagers in a way as they both enjoy working and both are very keen. My son loves doing his volunteering both hate vaping and drinking and not on their phones 24/7.

🍚🏠

So sorry. I have no idea how I managed to do that!

My 16 yo is asd and relies on me for outings, he has no IRL friends, we do lots together, cinema, theatre and have a football season ticket. He goes horse riding as well. He still complains about being bored but I can’t entertain him 24/7

Musical instrunents.
Learning a musical instrument and music theory!

Its what I did as a teen and I still play now!

I'd put them in charge of dinner - they decide, buy ingredients and cook at least once a week. That would get them out, collaborating and busy and you get a meal

I've no idea if they've an interest but my DD (10) does a music theatre holiday course - 8 up to 18 or 19 and very safe and structured. She's autistic too as (I suspect) are quite a few of the other members.

My DC is 12 and like your DC1 She hasn't been to school, due to burn out and rather than won't, she can't!.
I am letting her heal.

I'd be applying for benefits myself , Inc pip.
The other two older ones should be helping and working p/t jobs.

Go on holiday with your 13 yr old and stop doing essentials for them. They are adults and old enough.

Oops
Sorry I was replying to another post
Not sure how that happened

Can they not just stay at home a lot and play card games, board games, chess, cooking, do gardening, sewing, lots of cooking/baking, watch old films, read books, go to the public library, listen to audio books, paint on canvases, learn languages on duo lingo, learn some pop songs, learn an instrument etc etc, the list is endless. Why do they have to go out? There are so many things they could just do to keep themselves busy? Sightseeing would be another one if you are close to public transport links.
One of mine was like this but luckily loves reading and plays 3 instruments so holidays where used to compose, cook, reread favourite books. I was always very happy with this! Better than those out all the time or on social media.
I think they need to create their own busy lists and make lists of things they would love to do at some point and just go through it.

They're 15 and 17 and don't want to out without an adult? What the Hell has happened to teenagers these days? Me and my friends couldn't wait to go out the house and play, roam, do anything on our own.

Is there a Warhammer shop in the vicinity?

Board game cafe?

My 15 year old has plenty of friends with no interest in vaping or drinking. Board games, Warhammer, Dungeons and Dragons. Holidays filled.