Is this normal 14 year old behaviour?

[IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads]

DS is 14. He's always been a bit insular, and had never had a huge group of friends, but has a couple of close friends and a wider group of 7 or 8.

For the last 18 months or so, he's made no attempt to socialise out of school at all. He only leaves the house (his room!) to go to school, or scouts/archery/orchestra/sailing. The last 3 are a drive away and he can only go if we drive him. It is extremely rare for him to ask to go, but he'll usually be keen if we ask if he wants to go. Scouts is local - in the village - but he never sees anyone from scouts, out of scouts.

We're now entering the third week of the summer holidays, and he's spent most of it in his room. Literally days at a time, leaving only for the bathroom or meals. He doesn't socialise with family - fine - but I wish he'd socialise with his peers. His best friend only lives about 20 mins walk away. I've even offered to drive him. Not interested. Not interested in any holiday activity, even those specifically aimed at his age group.

Is this normal? Have kids who are now 14/15 missed the stage of their kid where they learn to socialise because of lockdowns? Or is it just DS? Or laziness.

(11 yo DD on the other hand is barely ever in!).

So relieved to read this! Sounds a lot like my DS1

Signing in as the parent of another ds14 who seems very happy and popular with many friends messaging him and…in his room.

Same here. Funnily enough my ds does Scouts and also recently started sailing at Scouts same as op.

I am very relieved to see this thread, my 15y old is the same.

He has hardly been out with friends this summer, but will happily come along to bigger organiser group things with other families, quite happily.
He's been out running and keeping fit, but only met up once or twice with friends to play football, otherwise he's at home.

Quite happy to sit with me and his Dad at night. Says he's quite content here by himself.

I'm worried he's really missing out, but if he's content should I just leave him be?

I've read it's a great thing if your teenage kids really want to spend time with their parents, but he needs some time with friends, He does football training a couple of times a week, but I can't force him to go out other than that.

I just needed to share saying it, I've been really worried about it.

I wonder if it's because of Covid and the lockdowns. My teacher friends have said they think all the DCs are slightly less mature than they'd usually expect so maybe between subconscious anxiety about going out, and being less mature, 14-yr-olds are actually closer to what 12-yr-olds were like when we were young.

yep, seems pretty standard
also the very sociable younger sister- definitely the dynamic in our family!

My DS is 14 too. He chats with friends on the phone but he never leaves his room. We spent 2 weeks at the seaside and then in a spa and he said they were “a pure nightmare”. The rest of the summer he’s been indoors and isolated, no walks, no meetings , nothing. Today we managed to go for a family walk for half an hour and it was hell. He says that the days he spent in his room were the “best holidays ever”.
If he’s happy I wouldn’t worry.

Coming to the end of the holidays here (they go back on Thursday) so I thought I'd see how it panned out for everyone's teens?

DS had the first 3 weeks away, with Scout camp then with us. Spent time with friends/cousins on these.

Apart from that, he has seen friends independently on only 4 occasions (one was a girlfriend, with whom he has now broken up 😔) then twice with us as a family group & both days this weekend at football training. Plus spending a day per week at my mum's house, with his brothers.

Otherwise, he has spent a lot of time on YouTube & Xbox, some time gardening for his grandparents for pocket money & a few family days out.

It really does concern me & I'm glad he's getting back to school/football/Scouts now. People keep telling me it's normal but I can't see how it's healthy 😬

This is absolutely loads!

Normal(ish) for my 14 year old son.

He didn’t go anywhere in the six weeks holiday to meet up with friends and from what I can gather, neither did any of his friend group.

He’s been to football training and pre season friendlies, always there early as he’s a very keen footballer, and walks to these with a friend.

I know he messages his friends (football group chat) and his PlayStation has made a come back the last few weeks. He’s also doing weights in his room and likes to keep very fit.

And he has a season ticket for a professional team and attends every home game with my partner.

But other than that he just hangs out with us 🤣

It’s strange to me as I was out everyday at his age!