DS drinking

[teenstruggler]

I don't know how to handle my DS18 drinking.

Sober, he is great. Never any bother at school, great personality, does what he's asked around the house, has a job and pays dig money. A good kid, and I've always felt really lucky with him.

But when he drinks... I just never know. I've had some horrendous nights due to him being passed out drunk, not coming home, being angry, being upset... Other times, he comes home a bit drunk and it's all good.

Just off the phone to him now and he's told me to fuck off and is angry that I contacted his dad to find out where he was. He had gone out with dads side at lunchtime and I hadn't heard from him since, no reply to my text or call, so asked his dad if he was still with him/knew where he was.

I don't think I'm unreasonable to have to checked up on him after 10 hours when I know he's drinking?

It's the one thing I ask him to do, keep in touch and let me know his plans. I do get anxious when I don't hear from him, but that is because I've seen how drunk he can get and the different ways that impacts him.

What do I do?

He’s getting in that state drinking with his dad?

I’d be seriously unimpressed with his dad (I’m guessing for how you’ve phrased it that you’re not together). Surely his dad should be guiding him to know his limits and be safe? Is his dad a heavy drinker/alcoholic?

You're not unreasonable at all and being drunk isn’t an excuse for telling you to fuck off. I’d be livid.

He left his dad a few hours back, but met up with friends in the same place he was at with his dad. No, we're not together.

He did go out today having only had four hours sleep after a nightshift. His dad says he was fine when he left him.

Have you tried talking to him when he’s sober about your concerns? You’re definitely not being unreasonable.

Yes, so many times.

He either just apologises or blames me/someone else.

He's had counselling in the past, but he's told me since (when drunk) that we made him do that, he never needed it.

It's been fine the last few weeks, and I have to remind myself that he has now survived two holidays abroad without me (although not entirely without incident). But nights like this, or worse, are always a possibility.

I don’t think there’s anything you can do now. He’s an adult and as you say, he’s done it many times. He’ll be fine.

Have a think about what you’re willing to accept re his behaviour. You are within your rights to set ground rules. He shouldn’t be swearing at you and it’s perfectly reasonable to expect him to stick to agreed plans to stay in touch. I’d also be speaking to his dad.

His dad and I do talk, and he backs me.

This is why DS is annoyed tonight. Because he says his dad will have a go at him for not keeping in touch with me. His dad is not a shouter or in any way hard on him.

He is more laid back about the keeping in touch etc. but he appreciates that he's rarely seen him in the state I've seen him in, or had the nights I've had with him. He tells DS to respect my rules and act like an adult if he wants to be treated like one.

I will reiterate the rules, but it's where I go from there when he doesn't abide them, or blatantly disrespects me again like tonight.

Anyway, thanks for replying to me.