DS 19 hospital

[Crochetablanket]

I’m posting here as I cannot talk to anyone about this. My DS19 is in hospital with anaemia and has had a blood transfusion plus is due to have other tests.
He won’t let me it DH go in to visit him and hasn’t even told us the ward number - he categorically says he doesn’t want us to go.
i know he is an adult and it’s absolutely his decision and right - which I respect - I am just so upset I cannot be there to support him. I’m so worried they may give him some really bad news on his own.
Plus as well as the medical stuff he must be stressed and frightened.
He is very self sufficient and quite a stubborn person usually so this is his ‘usual ‘ approach . We get on well usually / there’s no backstory or anything.
But - he’s never been ill like this before and never been in hospital.
I’m texting every so often - trying to tell him I’m sending my and DH love but I’m finding it painful he doesn’t want us there with him.
I know that’s him and have to accept it but I feel upset and if I’m honest a little bit frustrated because he must know how much it’s hurting me. ( I know it’s not about me but I am struggling)
Im not sure what I’m asking - just wanted to vent really. But if anyone has any advice I’d appreciate it.

This must be really hard for you op. I guess the only thing you can do is contact the hospital to find out which ward he's on and contact the ward as his next of kin and ask for updates on his progress. Other than that, stay in contact via text etc and just let him know you're there if he needs anything. Good luck.

The ward shouldn't update you. Next of kin means nothing.

Poor lad! Afraid there’s not much you can do - he’s an adult. And remember 19 year olds still feel immortal, so he might be feeling more inconvenienced and tired than scared. Is he at least a good texter, can you ask him to update you frequently?

I would love some more context. Did you know he was prone to anemia? Does he have a lifestyle choice that makes him health-vulnerable?

Are you sure he is actually there?

Thank you all for replying.

@coreas yes he is definitely there- he has been unwell ( extreme fatigue) for a few weeks and seen GP twice for blood tests they finally sent him to hospital Friday evening.
@lljkk - no usually very healthy - first year at Uni he’s been playing sports etc. No underlying health conditions as far as we know.
@Cookerhood yes I’m aware which is why I haven’t called hospital/ I know they cannot give info out to a random caller.
@Backstreets and @Ilovegardens - yes thank goodness for mobile phones he is texting with minimal info but he’s reading them.
He has just text earlier to say they are keeping him in another night - I’m guessing tomorrow he may need other supplies as I’m not sure what he even took with him for overnight stays.

I would be tempted to text him and ask if it is ok for ward staff to speak to you, that he way he doesn't have the fuss and bother of trying to keep you up to date and you won't be as worried. Also ask him if there is anything he needs dropping off at the ward, as in drop and run at the door, not actually pop in and visit.

You have to trust that he's in the best place. He listened to the doctor advice, and the NHS is looking after him.

Since he is stubborn, don't try to suggest anything.
Ask once "Anything I can do to help?" at start and end of conversation. Can mention that you'll bring him anything if he needs it, too. State this as fact not obligation.

Try to cheer him up with jokes and distracting banal news about the cat or the latest village gossip. You being worried won't help him.

Blimey that must be so hard. I would have ignored instructions and headed out to the hospital as soon as I found out tbh (yes I know, he's an adult)

What is your relationship like normally? Do you think he might worry in case it's something embarrassing that's caused the problem?

What you can do is phone the ward and explain who you are and that you are concerned and would like to be kept up to date but understand they can't tell you anything without his permission. When I was in hospital a few years ago there was a young woman who obviously wasn't communicating with her parents and the nurses were very good at trying to facilitate communication with her family without breaking her confidentiality. They let her know that her family had phoned, and were concerned but hadn't been told anything. They then agreed with her exactly what they would phone her family and say and that seemed to work for her.

@Dymaxion i will suggest that re ward staff talking to us if needed thank you. I’ll also offer to drop some things off at the ward nurses station, I’m sure he will need something to day after two nights.
Biggest problem at the moment is I don’t have a ward number @dogsweetdog @helpfulperson - which is because he doesn’t want us to turn up! ( and why I can’t call). But if he gave permission for the ward staff to speak to us when needed for updates that would be useful.
@determinedtomakethiswork Theres likely some tests involving colonoscopy so I think maybe yes he doesn’t want to discuss but nothing around lifestyle that he wouldn’t want me to know about.
i know he doesn’t share or tell me everything about his life ( and I wouldn’t want him to) I’d just say it’s a normal parent / teenager relationship except he is very very independent and a private person and always has been.
@lljkk thank you good advice - I’m trying not to worry.

I would just text him and ask if he needs anything bringing in and could he do with some better food.

I'm wondering if he has suspicions (maybe way off the mark) as to why he's ill and he's embarrassed eg a sti

I’d just text him asking if he needs anything dropped off (snacks, books, clothes, wash kit) and to let you know if he needs collecting sometime.
Stop quizzing him, definitely don’t ask the ward staff for anything because they cannot tell you and let your son tell you in his own time if he chooses to.
When my adult son was admitted it didn’t even cross my mind to do anything other than be around if he wanted a visitor or anything taking in.
Your son has specifically stated he doesn’t want you knowing anything, so respect his wishes however worried you may be.

Better day yesterday, he texted and asked for some clothes and toiletries . We went in to see him and he is in a side room, but seemed brighter.
I am respecting his wishes and made sure we didn’t over step, we left when he asked us to.
I’m hoping as it’s Monday he will see a consultant today and know next steps.