My dd1 is 14. She has massive social anxiety which is currently being treated with meds + therapy and is doing so much better. She has a friend who is a year old. Friend has always been a bit of a "wild one" -- e.g. wearing fishnet stockings to school in Grade 5 (we are not in the UK), online dating seriously older men, suicide "threats" etc etc. Friend doesn't have a great home life or parents so I try my best to fill the gap as she is one of my dd's best friends.
About 8 months ago she brought over alcohol which she consumed and binned (didn't bother to hide the evidence). I asked her not to do that again as I don't want to get in trouble. About 2 months ago she brings over a vape pen with weed. I could clearly smell the evidence. We had a big talk with DD about drugs and said she can try marijuana under our supervision but not her friends. It happened several more times so I ended up banning the vape pen when she comes over. Last night she was here again and turned on porn. This makes me very upset. My dd is only 14.
I don't want to "ban" this kid from coming over but I am seriously in a hard place. On one hand I am over the moon that my dd is being social with her friends again, while on the other I am worried about the influence this friend is having on dd. My dd and I are close, she tells me everything (which is how I know about all of this) but also begs me not to ban her friend from coming over or tell her parents (they wouldn't care/do anything anyway).
What do I do?