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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

How much freedom?

2 replies

CBAanymoreTBH · 01/08/2023 12:02

My 15 year old (closer to 16) has good grades as is lucky to be clever and also has great social skills with teachers etc has started with an attitude I would more associate with a 13 year old In some ways. Generally being cocky and challenging. She still tells me where she is going & when etc but seems to feel she is above even carrying a bag of shopping from the car.

She's all eye rolls & flashing her long bejewelled finger nails around in a dismissive manner. Getting on my tits being vacuous & idolising Kim K. She comes out with BS like her friends do shots with their mums every night and comes downstairs at 11pm asking for a beer. Now this probably doesn't sound wild for an almost 16 year old and my question is should I just start to disengage from her a bit and not check up constantly where she is.

My eldest daughters weren't really sociable & confident as she is. She's a "popular" at school which is also a "thing" which gets on my tits 😭. Basically I feel like saying get your head out your arse with all this popular nonsense but I won't because she's coming across as happy and confident after a period a couple of years ago of being lonely & anxious.

She's not my first teen but she's the first who wants to be out and about. I feel maybe I'm over parenting her so she's acting our like a younger teen with me. I even removed her phone the other night which I just want to move beyond.

Shall I just ease off and let her self monitor? Or clamp down until she stops being rude & entitled. Feel like taking the easy option as she's not a wild child or anything and I'm bored being the bad guy/old fart 😭

OP posts:
incognito50me · 01/08/2023 13:44

I wish I could tell you what to do, but I am in a similar predicament. We have a similar situation here. My DD15 is a good kid, but popular and quite shallow at the moment (all into looks and clothes, her friends and boyfriend), with an entitled attitude. Seeing the sorts of problems teens of our acquaintance have (mental issues, anorexia, drinking and vaping), I am happy it is not worse, though worry about her attitude, interests and work habits.

I have erred on both sides - overparenting and underparenting in turns. Trying to calibrate is hard when, at least in her mind, she's gone from 12 to 18 years old in six months; I am aware she is 15 and not a grownup, but her level of maturity varies widely depending on the issue and the day. I am trying not to comment or small and temporary things (including letting some rudeness go) but come down on serious issues. Knowing what those are is not always simple!

My husband and I also don't always agree on how to react, and I find I am more reasonable if my mood is better and I am not stressed.... to be fair, it is probably the case for her as well.

CBAanymoreTBH · 01/08/2023 14:02

Thanks for your reply...it's frustrating isn't it as I feel I'm playing the role of parent as much as she is of pain in the arse teen 😭

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