Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Is this how people normally behave?

59 replies

FailingMum81 · 31/07/2023 17:30

So I'm asking for advice on this one as a) I don't know if this is normal behaviour and b) I'd like some opinions on how to tackle it to prevent me going crazy.

I have one dd14. We holiday once a year in the same place and she has made a general group of holiday friends who go the same time. They and us (parents) aren't in contact any other time than on hols. One other family who have a younger sibling (currently 7) demand the teenager keep the younger sibling with them at all times. This causes so many issues for the group of friends. They are a group of 8 (all 14 or 15). They want to do certain activities that teenagers do and also, because there is two lots of 4 they fit nicely in parents cars if they need a ride to an activity etc. However the 7 Yr old HAS to go everywhere....and I mean everywhere (bar the shower). If I offer to take some of the group out I get "well aren't you taking X'......DD also gets left with X (as do the other teens) if their sibling needs to go toilet, fetch a drink etc. It's putting alot of pressure on the teens to be responsible, massively restricting what they can do but also making me a bit peeved that their parents go off doing as they please all day while their teen and friends are childcare. I dont think I can explain enough how much they have to take him with them....quite literally everywhere and every second. I think it would be so much better for him going to the kids club to socialise with kids his own age as this is what they say "well he doesn't have any other friends".

Is this normal for a family with two or more children please?

OP posts:
Eltonjaunice · 31/07/2023 18:59

No OP, that is not normal and the other parents are completely taking the piss.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 31/07/2023 19:03

I wouldn't like this set up, I don't think any of it's normal tbh.

I wouldn't be looking after someone else's 7yo on holiday, really weird.

Doingmybest12 · 31/07/2023 19:06

You are all too kind and polite. You and the teens need to start sending the 7 year old back to parents every time. When did this start? If parents go out , get older sib to call them back or give you the number,utterly ridiculous that this has developed

theonewiththedog · 31/07/2023 19:13

Not normal, next time just suggest kids club and if they go off leaving you in charge put the 7 yr old in kids club.

LlamasUnited · 31/07/2023 19:13

Not normal at all, and shitty parenting. The poor children. The younger child is at risk, the older child is being parentified. Both are having a rubbish time on holiday while their selfish parents galavant off. Selfish people.

doodledogsh · 31/07/2023 19:26

Xrays · 31/07/2023 18:48

What kind of place is this that you don’t ever speak to the parents apart from when you go and you always seem to go at the same time every year? Seems really weird. I’d just say no. There’s no way I’d want my teenager to spend all their time looking after a 7 year old. Not fair on the 7 year old either.

Yeah it all seems so strange, how on Earth do you all book at the exact same time every year with people you don't even really know.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 31/07/2023 19:33

The parents are entitled to get their teen to take sibling with them even if it annoys them and the other teens

Why are the parents 'entitled' to this? @cansu

YANBU. I think this is ok for some things, but the teens should be able to go off and do their own thing. Later on in the evening etc.

Original poster
FailingMum81 · 31/07/2023 19:46

doodledogsh · 31/07/2023 19:26

Yeah it all seems so strange, how on Earth do you all book at the exact same time every year with people you don't even really know.

Show quote history

It's a UK holiday resort. We've all been coming here the same dates for years, it's not planned it's just based on school holidays and the dates the parents have their holidays (like factory shut down dates etc)

OP posts:
Original poster
FailingMum81 · 31/07/2023 19:49

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 31/07/2023 19:33

The parents are entitled to get their teen to take sibling with them even if it annoys them and the other teens

Why are the parents 'entitled' to this? @cansu

YANBU. I think this is ok for some things, but the teens should be able to go off and do their own thing. Later on in the evening etc.

She's just told my D that they (teen and 7 Yr old) stayed out until 1130 last night wandering round and when they got in both parents were fast asleep. Would be fab if they could even have the evenings out without having to babysit etc :(

OP posts:
Original poster
FailingMum81 · 31/07/2023 19:50

theonewiththedog · 31/07/2023 19:13

Not normal, next time just suggest kids club and if they go off leaving you in charge put the 7 yr old in kids club.

I had wondered about doing that I must admit! It sounds great and literally says "ideal for your 6-10 year old to make new fiends"......

OP posts:
Shurleyknot · 31/07/2023 20:05

They are selfish parents making their other child and her pals babysit instead of minding their own kid. I would not be happy.

thecatinthetwat · 31/07/2023 20:10

I think it’s poor form. I was that younger child and it’s really shit tbh. Not fair on your dd either. I would really consider saying something, they get pissed off with you anyway apparently. What does your dd say?

Oblomov23 · 31/07/2023 20:15

Not unusual. I've seen it a lot. Especially at our Dorset campsite where we've had a caravan for 14 years, since ds2 born. It riles me, parents going this to an older child. Not just to their child, but to the whole group dynamic - it affects everyone within the group of 14/15-year-olds. I don't mind parents who ask the eldest to occasionally look after a younger sibling, but what op is talking about, is all the time and that's just unfair and I think that's very poor parenting to even ask the child to do it and to not be aware of the damage.

User6424678852 · 31/07/2023 20:18

Are you really OK with having a 7 year old hanging around with you without contact details of their parents? What if they had an accident? What if they went missing? What if the parents actually knew nothing about it and thought they were somewhere else? As an absolute minimum I would be asking the older sibling for the parents contact details.

Original poster
FailingMum81 · 31/07/2023 21:09

Thank you everyone for the replies. To answer a few questions......the other parents are all pissed off but mixed ways of dealing with it. One girl, her mum stops her going out a few times as she's annoyed with it but doesn't know how to tackle it. The others are predominantly lads and the same expectation doesn't seem to fall on their parents, they just say to tell them to sod off 🤣 DD is a very tolerant girl and tries to do best she can but the impact its having on the group and activities is starting to irk her but she feels bad for friend. I have put off asking for contact details as I think that then totally puts official responsibility on me should anything happen...."you had my number you should have called" etc. Its now 9.10pm and as far as I'm aware the parents haven't been here all and the kids don't know where they went. It seems very sad and frustrating for everyone involved except the parents who seem to be living their best life!

OP posts:
Shurleyknot · 31/07/2023 21:37

Yeah cos the parents have abandoned a small child to a pack of teens as they are so selfish. I just cannot deal with the entitlement.

BackAgainstWall · 31/07/2023 23:12

It’s not normal to that extent.

Occasionally would be fine, but definitely not all the time in my opinion.

I would have them down as hands off lazy piss takers.

ImGonnaHaveToTurnMyBackOnYou · 31/07/2023 23:30

I'd probably be having words with the centre who may be able to get someone to come and talk to them. Just be blunt. Find out which caravan or whatever it is the family are staying in. If you can get other parents with you, go together. Tell the shit parents you aren't their babysitters and neither are your kids and that there won't be any of this happening this holiday or any other moving forward.

And hope that someone steps in to support the teen when home, because it sounds like the parents have huge issues.

RattleRattle · 31/07/2023 23:37

This reply has been deleted

This user is a goady troll so we've removed their posts.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 01/08/2023 00:02

FailingMum81 · 31/07/2023 18:35

Thank you all for your replies...sorry I don't think I was overly clear though given some responses. The burden does often lie with me and DH too as this child's parents will literally go out for the day on their own, for example, and then the kids will come back to us saying "my mum said we could hang out here if they weren't back". Again, I don't mind this but I am totally gobsmacked I think that anyone would just disappear for hours leaving a 7 Yr old in the care of teens....but then also expecting one of the teens parents to pick up the slack. Last year they were really mad at me one day when I was unwell as they had booked an "adults only" day out and because I was unwell they had to cancel it. I didn't even know about it until a couple weeks later when the little ones teen text my DD to tell her. So I guess it isn't just about the teens looking after them either :(

I don't want to get involved but am definitely a push over so things will eat me up and take over my holiday too as I don't like or want the conflict of being ignored/talked about/having a prent stomping around either

I think you need to speak directly to them and advise that neither you nor your daughter will be accepting responsibility for the child, and if he is left behind you will call the police.

RattleRattle · 01/08/2023 00:46

This reply has been deleted

This user is a goady troll so we've removed their posts.

sjpkgp1 · 01/08/2023 00:53

It is not acceptable. What other families do (e.g. trust a 15 year old to look after a younger child for short bursts where the parents are contactable might be OK) but it is not your job, nor your daughter's job. The reality is much harder though. You may have a day where you are about, and you don't mind the kids being around, but it should not be a given forever. Nor should you have to "consult them about their childcare as you are doing something different". They are CFs and you do need to say something about looking after their 7yo. It's a hard one but best of luck xx

DreamTheMoors · 01/08/2023 01:14

I was the youngest.
As much as I wanted to hang out with the older kids, they complained vociferously so my parents never forced them to take me.
I was either with my parents or grandparents.
My entire childhood felt like I was an only child, and my older siblings were part of another family altogether.
Whether that was good or bad or indifferent, it’s how it was - and my siblings were always grateful that they didn’t have a PITA little kid tagging along after them.
And now my siblings can’t figure out why I don’t hang out with them… hmmm that’s a real mystery is what that is.

Hawkins009 · 01/08/2023 01:31

It's a mix with some families

converseandjeans · 01/08/2023 01:39

Its now 9.10pm and as far as I'm aware the parents haven't been here all and the kids don't know where they went. It seems very sad and frustrating for everyone involved except the parents who seem to be living their best life!

They are banking on the other families looking out for them. No it's not ok & a 7yo should not have to hear what 14/15yo are saying.

I think the only solution is to refuse to look after the little one & just organise stuff for the older ones & say you can't fit the youngest in.

It's actually pretty neglectful parenting.