Ways to approach ds 15yo starting to try alcohol

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Ds is just finishing year 10 and has been a couple of parties recently where he has drunk vodka. Not too much but he has enjoyed it and come home a bit tipsy. Some of the other kids at the parties have been pretty drunk.

We have had lots of chats about being sensible and what could happen, but he says just to trust him and “chill mum”. He is sensible in general but I’m just worried and don’t know the best way to approach things.

Any tips from people have been through this?

Are you really a DSL? You don't sound very real or understanding.
A certain type of child indeed. Good kids can have the odd drink too to try and fit in. The certain type of child you mention may have a bad home life or other issues. You come across as judgy.
Otter posters on here that drank underage where you that certain type of child?

I'd rather know and dd feel safe, then be strict and have her do it behind my back anyway.
So when the parties happened, i would buy her a pack of alcopops (VK), and make sure I picked her up at the end. I strongly advised against spirits - and told her the story of my friend who ended up in hospital one night, aged 15, having her stomach pumped.
Raising teens my attitude has always been don't say no without good reason, so she know that when I do say no, there is a very good reason and I always share it too.

I honestly think it's much better and safer to accept they will drink alcohol and teach them how to do it responsibly rather than "ban" it altogether (good luck with that).

I don't know anyone that had their first drink at 18, I think @Eddyraisins is both judgey and naive.

I was allowed a couple of alcopops at home at that age, I think even at sleepovers actually (with parents there) but never would have been allowed to drink at a party like that, I probably won't allow mine to drink like I did supervised until 16, I think there was a report recently that said alcohol under 16 is very harmful. I wouldn't allow what you did, and I sure as fuck wouldn't accept being told to chill by a 15 year old.

The people who say "I wouldn't let them go to parties with alcohol", how exactly do you propose to enforce that? Follow them to the party and check every teenager there's bag to see if they've got vodka?

Unless you never allow them to go anywhere without you you cannot guarantee that someone else will not be offering them alcohol. Parents being there at a party also doesn't preclude there being alcohol. Some parents are much more hands off than others, or sneaky teens will get alcohol past the strictest of parents.

I think preaching and modelling moderation with alcohol, warning about the particular dangers of stronger drinks and teaching them how to prevent themselves getting ill from drink is more important.

What happened most of the time here at age 15/16 was that parents would message one another saying they were going to get them a couple of cans of (not strong, fruity) cider each at the party and to let them know if that wasn't ok.

@Runnersandtoms not allow them to go to a party....I can't teach them alcohol moderation at a party I'm assuming they wouldn't want me to go to mine is 13, so I completely concede it may not be as simple as that when we get to that stage, but my parents didn't let me go to things like that until I was 16, it was barn dances where I'm from, and I wasn't allowed until end of Y11, and I think I will take a similar (albeit case by case approach) with DS. Honestly I find it difficult to believe DS and his hermit friends will ever want to socialise on a weekend outside of a skate park though 🙈

The people who say "I wouldn't let them go to parties with alcohol", how exactly do you propose to enforce that? Follow them to the party and check every teenager there's bag to see if they've got vodka?

I've always wondered this. We knew one child who was grounded right up to 18 if there was even a whiff of alcohol about a party. She just became sneaky. Wasn't allowed a boyfriend either - which wasn't an issue as boys weren't her thing!
My youngest has health issues, isn't really supposed to drink on meds, but their consultant says that they have to be realistic, teens will drink, so they educate them on moderation and units etc. Which does make me wonder about the person who claims to be a youth worker upthread, doesn't seem to have much knowledge of teenage behaviour.

Exactly, itstopshere, teens will think of a way round things. My Dd had a friend who had fake id and would buy the vodka. and the weed
I wouldn't buy an underage dc a bottle of spirits but they has friends who mum did . I was v surprised at that as the same mum has been quite strict when her dc had been younger.

And parents may be there at the start of the party and then go out.

I've always explained that spirits are strong and you can get plastered v quickly. Wine to a lesser extent. But ultimately they will test the limits of their drinking ability.

A thought just occurred in my head. What if the DPs were strict Muslims and didn't want their young teenagers drinking.

Just a hypocrite

*hypothetical

Get him to actually measure out a shot of vodka using water. Ds used a measuring spoon and then could see the teeny amount in a glass. We went for 25ml to start with as that is typically 1 unit of alcohol.

Then show him a can of say Kopperberg Mixed Fruit Cider, 330ml of liquid and 1.3 units of alcohol.

A massive difference and he needs to understand that. He also needs to understand the consequences of anything he does whilst impaired by alcohol. Everyone has a camera on their phone and can share antics at a touch of a button.

I wouldn't want my children drinking spirits unless premixed in a bottle or can and even then it would be limited. Ds1 is 20 and Ds2 is 17. The eldest did a bit of drinking and now doesn't drink at all. Ds2 isn't interested in drinking, neither are any of his friends.

spot the people with much younger kids...m
I think that there's an argument that it's best to have been drunk once before they go off to uni and are in an unfamiliar place without a parental lift home.

I have an August born year 12 who is 16 but whose year group includes 17 and 18 year olds so I have to be more flexible than if he was one of the oldest in his year. He has been ridiculously drunk once which shocked him and made him more mindful about how much he drinks which is good imo. He is curious about the taste of different alcoholic drinks so occasionally asks but he drinks infrequently. He is gutted that his birthday means that he won't be able to go drinking and clubbing after A-levels next year.

My kids have been taught to look out for the rest of the group when they drink. They encourage people who are super drunk to call their parents for a lift and have heard real stories about drunk teens getting hurt as nights can be wet, cold and icy.

Banning attendance at parties with spirits must be very difficult. How do you know what people are bringing? How do you know if someone isn't going to buy some spirits during the party?

Do as he says?

@Hulksmash1

Well, the teenagers will choose how much of their own or parents religious beliefs they choose to observe/obey.

Me! I am the one saying the DSL is naive.

Oh so sorry! Username mixup!