What sort of behaviour is this?

[TeenMum87]

NC for this. I’m wondering what sort of behaviour or personality trait this is.

DD 15 and her BF met when they joined secondary school. BF is delightful, the girls are very close, support one another, they’re besties. Recently boys have entered their lives. DD feels whenever DD likes a boy then BF begins to flirt with him. So much so, that at a party DD kissed a boy she’d liked for weeks then BF kissed him later on (grim, I know, but around here kids kiss several people in one night at a party) but surely BF’s don’t kiss their besties’s crush? Roll on a few months, DD ‘talking’ to boy at school and sure enough BF is flirting with him. Recently BF and I were chatting and she says another girl in their friendship group is dating but still ‘talking’ to other boys and proceeded to name the boy my DD is ‘talking’ too. For a number of reasons I don’t believe for a second DD’s latest crush is ‘talking’ to anyone else.

What sort of behaviour is this? I’ve always been delighted and grateful for the girls’ friendship but now I’m wary. Originally I felt the flirting was BF’s way of being friendly and showing an interest in DD’s crushes, but this latest revelation feels like a direct put down of DD.

Not wanting to be left behind, low self esteem, general teenage confusion and working out how relationships work, and where the edges are. What happens if I press this big flashing red button here...? A bit of fuck around and find out in action.

Could be any number of things, help dd not to spend too much time agonizing over the why, instill it's not her fault, support her to have healthy boundaries in friendships and romantic relationships.

Interesting times!

I’m torn between’shes not a friend’ and ‘maybe she doesn’t know the code: ie off limits if a friend is with them’. Is she going to say it to her? (Shudders)ew to the boy, he’s as much to blame

Thank you for the responses. I think I agree it’s all new to them and they’re still learning ‘girl code’ etc. BF is totally gorgeous and it’s hard to think there is malice intended. Thanks again.

They are not too young to know "the code". My DD is the same age; she and her best friend know very well not to flirt with/encourage each other's love interests. Kissing the same boy is a real no-no!

My DD has distanced herself from several girls who behaved something like the girl you're describing. I think this sort of behavior stems from insecurity or testing their "power", testing boundaries. But I would be very surprised if she didn't know what she's doing!

An update, Best Friend divulged DD confidences to the boy DD was ‘talking’ too. The girl’s close friendship is over, my DD is very sad. They’re part of a bigger friendship group so wont be totally estranged.

The bf is not a friend. She doesn't want dd to have anything (anyone) for herself and boosts her own low self esteem by taking away from her.

Your poor dd. Hopefully she will find better friends. And nicer boys.

Your Dd has done nothing wrong here and in fact had shown loyalty to a DF when she was not behaving all that nicely to DD.

Do expect her to have some sadness over this, I lost a DF in a similar way and it actually felt a bit like grief.

She’ll need to learn “the code” pretty damn fast or she will end up with no mates.

I asked my same aged Dd “what happened to x” as hadn’t seen her in their gang for a while.. Turned out she had pursued and snogged a boy one of the other girls had been seeing and had been frozen out of the group. After much tears and grovelling and apologies she is back in. She won’t do that again!

Definitely. This is just not done; not even queen bees can get away with this sort of behavior.