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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Girls, parents, falling out.

5 replies

SR04 · 19/07/2023 20:18

My daughter is 13, she had a group of friends at school, the dynamics changed between and there seemed to be tension.
Anyway a couple of weeks later one of the girls made a group chat asking my daughter who her friends were, she said them and then they all joined into to say they weren't her friends and laughed at her.

It started with them tagging each as friends and not her, then telling her that she has to dress up a certain way to go out to make a fool out her.
She ended up sat on her own ringing me constantly wanting to come home crying.

Fast forward a few months, she now wants to move school. She has made some new friends but still isn't happy.

I decided to approach one of the mums I know to ask her if my daughter had done something to upset the girls, just to try and get to the bottom of it as moving schools seems drastic.

The mum basically told me that my daughter has has talked about all the girls behind there backs and it's come round to bite her. She said her daughter was upset because she invited her round but she went to another friends instead and took lots of pics and then later after the fall out my daughter has reported her daughters tic to account so lost there videos..mum is furious about this.

So my point is - does my daughter deserve to be pushed out and sit on her own laughed at and have her chair pulled out on her. When speaking to the mum, she just seemed to think she has brought it on herself.

I'm unsure what to think here? - surely they ll talk behind each others backs, there 13?. I feel pretty shocked by her almost condoning that behaviour but if she's bought this on herself or is it tough love?.

I'm seriously thinking of moving schools, she has her primary school friends there and it would be a fresh start??. Or should I just let things work themselves out?? I just hate seeing her upset.

I just don't know what to think...

OP posts:
XelaM · 19/07/2023 20:24

Move her!!!! This is not normal!!! And no - she hasn't brought it on herself and doesn't deserve to be bullied. I have a daughter the same age and would 100% move schools gor a fresh start

SR04 · 19/07/2023 21:48

Thankyou. This is what I needed to hear. Feel like I'm driving myself crazy.
I know shes talked about friends behind there back and this is wrong but I just dont think she deserves to be treated like she has been. The other mum made me feel like she was this awful child..

I just hope she's learnt and forms good friendships in a new school x

OP posts:
XelaM · 19/07/2023 22:44

It's completely normal behaviour for teenage girls to talk about each other. It's definitely not normal to be bullied

Thedrawer · 20/07/2023 03:38

You've done well to get to the bottom of it. This could so easily be a story of not knowing why your teen is depressed. Clearly you have good communication with your daughter. Don't assume your daughter will automatically learn from this. I would chat to her about better ways to behave and what is reasonable treatment so she has a better start when you move her. Which I definitely think is a good idea if she is willing. Way too toxic. I agree with you this is really not helpful for this parent to be encouraging bullying even if it is a retalation. No-one deserves this treatment.

Pawpatrolsucks · 20/07/2023 04:22

I would change schools. If possible try to send her a reasonable distance away. Your daughter may have talked about her friends, but I doubt the others are completely innocent. Even if your DD did behave terribly she still deserves a second chance. It’s possibly a case of ‘which friend will I torture this month’ by the queen bee. Your daughter needs to move because when the next friend is selected for bullying she will get dragged back into the toxic group. It’s good that you asked the other mum, but remember she is only looking at it from her child’s perspective.

I would really spend time focusing on what a good friend is, what not to tolerate and how to be a really good friend. Make sure your daughter cuts off the old group completely, don’t let the next girl cut from the group to pull your daughter back into the she said/she said carry on.

And when the other mum comes to you for help when her daughter cops it, you know what to say.

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