exhausted with 17 year old

[louisbalfournice]

He is awake all night and then sleeping in the day. His personal hygiene is poor, not showering for 4/5 days. For example, he will wake up and then just go out with no shower. Comes home anytime between 8-10pm and eats. Then goes straight to his room.
I remind him to have a quick shower and he ignores me. It would literally only take 5 minutes.
He has clean clothes on and I change his bedding every few day but he obviously smells sour.
He is talking at night. His room is above ours and so it's loud and I can't sleep. He is also and up and downstairs to the kitchen and toilet all night. I go up to his room and tell him to stop talking but it continues.
My husband and I have to wake early We are constantly tired from lack of sleep.
He has no interest whatsoever in family. Family keep asking to see him and I've stopped making excuses and told them the blunt truth.
He attends a course a few days a week but he's got 12 weeks off for summer. So weeks of nothing. He stopped going to all his sports activities last summer.
I'm getting to the point where I want him out

Please make an urgent GP appointment.

I am a mental health nurse and your son is very unwell .

Please don't give up demanding an assessment of his mental health- you are going to need to advocate for him very strongly at this point.

Strange and unprofessional to say this about someone you have never met

Loss of interests and motivation,isolation, poor hygiene, sleep reversal and the talking at night are all text book signs of psychosis in a young male.

I'm not sure if the PP' 'diagnosis' was based on the belief he was talking to himself for hours on end. I assumed you meant he was talking to people online.

I am highly experienced and have been for decades.

Your son has first rank symptoms of psychosis. I am sorry if you find that difficult to take on board .

This is a very classic presentation.

Anyway- good luck. If this was my son i would be knocking doors down for help.

Does your son want some help? A GP appointment is only going to be useful if he is willing to attend. You could talk to the GP yourself for some advice, though. Similarly, Young Minds is a good resource and has a parent helpline which you might find useful:
www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline-and-webchat/
If the link doesn't work, google "young minds uk parents" and it should take you there.

Is he talking to himself or is he talking online to other people, maybe gaming? I'm surprised that the poster who calls herself a professional on here is diagnosing him with psychosis so readily, based solely on what you've described. There are other reasons for this, not all as scary as psychosis, and at least he is showering occasionally rather than having given up entirely. It does sound as if he could do with some help, but he needs to be ready to accept it.

OP did you mean talking to himself or as. Read it talking on the phone/ video gaming with friends because I did not read it as talking to himself

What is he doing in the day ? Is he not in school or on an apprenticeship thing at that age? Is there any chance he is smoking weed?
Have had 4 x 17 year olds in my time and they love to be nocturnal at that age. I have also been woken by the talking because they are gaming not because they are talking to themselves. Still irritating.

I'd have thought depression not psychosis, obv not a doctor though so gp best practical route

Tell him he needs to begin showering daily and find a summer job/do volunteer work or at least pick up a new hobby other than gaming (if that's what he does) to keep him occupied until he goes back to college, otherwise you will be removing some of his privileges (change wifi password, lock away his games console at night, remove tv from his room. You also need to set a curfew. Your house, your rules. And stop giving him pocket money if that's what you're currently doing. If he wants to spend money on something, he can find a job and pay for it himself, or start treating you with some respect!

What was his personal hygiene like before? My 17 year old showers before the gym, after the gym and before bed some days so 3 times a day so if he missed 1 shower one day I would be worried but he’s always been like this so I would know it’s a big change in his behaviour if he stopped showering. He is also up late at night talking to his friends and eating. You know your son is this new behaviour for him?

How is he mentally unwell?

My 16 year old is similar, not unwell, just living his best summer life

I know it’s hard work isn’t it?

My son is now 19, however since the age of 17 he’s been in college 2 and a half days a week with self directed study for the remainder of the working week. He showers daily and does meet up with friends for football or the gym. However he does tend to do online gaming very loudly with foul language most evenings. Sometimes with friends over in his bedroom. It is beyond irritating especially when one has to work the next day.

my husband tends to barge in and roar at him to stop shouting. On rare occasions the wifi is turned off. We have a rule that he stops gaming at midnight because we need peace and rest. Over time he has accepted and understood this and he stops by 11.30pm or near midnight.

he is very like his father - slap dash and not aware of making a lot of mess. I’m very burnt out with his father and this means although I adore and love my son I’m hoping he gets the grades to go to Uni this September. He’s chosen a Uni nearby so he’s not too far away (45 min train journey) so he can get back easily if he’s homesick or needs us. I’m hoping to get a reprieve from the mess, wet towels and have some peace. But I will miss him in many respects .

does your son do driving lessons? Ours did and now he helps with tip runs and giving lifts so he does help more now. I sometimes get to wound so I do understand where you are coming from.

@Angelina1972 You sound very patient. I turn to wifi off, they get one warning then another shout it gets turned off.

There is a real rash of parents trying to boot out 16yos here at the moment. I don't know if it is the time of the year and people just count down until they can get rid of the progeny they created and give them to the rest of society to deal with half formed?

Do you have a relationship with him? Is he ok?

He also has very classic symptoms of being a teenager

Absolutely this 😄
The only unusual thing perhaps is the talking. OP is he saying things unconsciously while asleep or talking to himself fully awake?

Is he talking to himself?

Or talking online? It’s a massively important detail and the PP who mentioned psychosis is spot on, listen to her.