I need some advice if possible re my 2 teens (well one pre teen)
My 15 year old son, usually as good as gold has started going out in the evening just walking round the village with his mates and I've found a vape in his room. It's a constant struggle to get him to school, is late most days but has decided form period is a waste of time and would rather get a 15min detention for being late. Puts zero effort in at school, scraping 2/3's when he could do so much better but I can't motivate him, and in trouble at school for low level disruption, talking etc. just not fussed about his GCSE's.
My daughter who is 12 just finishing year 7. She started school fine and everything was okay until the start of this year when she fell out with her close friend. Who then proceeded to spread horrible rumours about her. She refused school for a while so has poor attendance, would have people shouting stuff at her and following her at school but managed to move past that now and school did deal with it. But it's constant drama, falling out with people. I feel like she looks for trouble constantly. She seems to thrive on drama and bitching about people. She's now on report for talking, being on her phone in lessons. Keeps asking to move school due to previous rumours which Tbf now seem to have died down, so I'm not entertaining it currently as feel like she is running away from issues and not dealing with them, also she seems to be the common denominator with any drama so I feel like it will just follow her.
Out of school she is rude, disrespectful. She is obsessed with money and constantly asking for things, not happy with what she has. The only way to discipline her is to remove her phone which I have done a number of times but this has led to severe melt downs, literally throwing things turning the house up side down, becomes aggressive and out of control. She has always been prone to aggressive meltdowns since being young but it's getting worse. She struggles to manage her emotions. Her younger sister was diagnosed with autism 2 years ago and I can see traits in her, also ADHD. These are always on a Sunday evening like it's connected to going back to school. I've tried to deal with by ignoring but that only makes it worse, last time I had to physically remove her as it was getting so out of control, I'm surprised the neighbours haven't rung the police with how much she screams and shouts.
I've made school aware and senco said they would assess her but haven't been back in touch since, she doesn't present like this at school. I'm getting so any phone calls from school as they are worried about the deterioration in her behaviour. I've had complaints from the neighbours about her screaming, and one neighbour complained she was shouting rude things to her out of the window when her friends we've over basically showing off. I'm at my wits end.
She constantly wants friends over, most of which I've entertained as I would rather she was here than out walking the streets but I'm sick of having people here, even when I've said no they just turn up and I have to turn them away. Or she sneaks them in when I'm on a work meeting, then I can't get rid of them. She's pierced her ears, asks me to buy her alcohol, vapes, feels like she constantly wants to push boundaries. Which then leads to meltdowns when I say no. If I ask her to do anything she will shout at me to not talk to her like that, when I've asked perfectly calmly and nicely. I've just come home to find she's burnt a hole in my carpet with my straighteners and when I told her about it she stormed off saying I was being rude to her.
I really don't know how to handle it, at the moment I don't like her very much and I hate what she is turning into, I hear her talking to her friends and she's so rude. I feel like I'm living some sort of nightmare waiting for another friendship drama, phone call from school or meltdown. I even spoke to GP who said only school can refer to CAHMs.
Obviously ive talked to her about friendships and being kind etc. she hasn't witnessed anyone in the family carrying on like this. I've tried to be supportive and listen to her concerns and give her space. I've tried firm boundaries but she doesn't respond to that. I'm out of options and just don't know what is normal teen pushing of boundaries and what isn't .
Sorry it's so long any help or reassurance of what I can do.