15 year old daughter who never initiates any activity outside of school

[TeenGirlParent]

We have a 15 year old daughter who was a perfectly happy child up until the pandemic which coincidentally was also when she got a smart phone for her 12th birthday.
About 2 years ago she told us she was having some identity issues and that she was trans .
We said we'd love her and support her whatever happened but to take her time.

About a year ago we asked her if she'd like to see a therapist because she seemed withdrawn and not participating in any activity outside of school.
She also seemed to have body image issues, eg always wearing sweater to school (and elsewhere) even when it's 35 degrees.
She saw a therapist for 6 months and thankfully the identity/trans issues had disappeared.

At the end of the 6 months the therapist said her confidence/self esteem score had increased from 2/3 to 5/6 out of 10 and that she didn't need any more sessions as she didn't want to pathologize her.

However she doesn't seem to have changed/improved in the last 6 months since the therapy ended.
She still doesn't do any activity outside of school apart from the odd birthday party, maybe once every few months.
She still wears a sweater to school etc even in summer.
She is doing perfectly fine in school, and is very bright, though teachers often comment on her quietness.
She seems to have quite a number of friends at school but none that she's particularly close to.
Overall she's doing ok but I think she's a shadow of the bright, bubbly girl we had for the first 12 years.

I would like her to try some more sessions with the therapist but she's difficult to talk to, (probably like a lot of teens) and says that she's ok.
I don't want her to think, that we think there's something wrong with her.
However she'll be off to university in 3 years and I can't see her surviving that based on how introverted she is today.

How do I best discuss this with her in a way that won't upset her and will get her to realise that change is possible and the world isn't such a scary place?

Thanks in advance.

I don’t think you have anything to worry about, so what If she’s quiet ? Being quiet is just as valid as being extrovert.the therapist was right, you shouldn’t pathologise a personality trait

Being quiet isn't a problem as she has friends. Are you extroverted by any chance?

On a separate note, my children benefitted from their part-time jobs. It's hard to get a job before age 16 but they became more confident as it forced them outside their comfort zones. For example my dd was a barista and the idea that she would be able to make small talk while making coffee was unthinkable before she worked but she's now in uni and can talk to anyone.

I think she's doing pretty ok, adolescence is tough and kids are bright as a button at 12 and then regress as their brains prune and develop. Just focus on what she wants, what she enjoys, family time (even a bit when she resists, teens tend to benefit from time with their parents even when they don't like them much or their parents aren't that great!) And praise her up for doing well at school and for being herself. By all means talk about future plans and life skills but in an exploratory dreaming way, not a pressure or expectation way. If she's into quiet craft stuff, or gaming, or maths, or writing, feed her the materials to develop herself in the direction of her own values and interests.

If she prefers to be quiet then you can't change that.

I would worry more about what she may be hiding under a jumper in summer heat. Is she self harming? Is she too thin (perhaps pointing to an eating disorder)? Not trying to frighten you, but I did go through that with my youngest DD and almost didn't spot it in time.

I'd gently encourage her towards a GP appointment, and go with her. More therapy may be suggested.

Also, why not quietly speak to her school to check that they have no real concerns. Point out your concerns to their pastoral care. She might initially be more willing to open up to one of them than to a parent. I know my DD was at first.

She's just having some shy teenage years.
Set some rules with the phone so to encourage social interaction - not at meal times/table, not in bedroom after 7:00 pm, not while you are driving in car together, place in bag at a social gathering. Teach her some social skills by default.
Purchase food and clothing in person not on line - thus needing to talk to retail staff.
Invite her to the movies with you and another friend and her daughter. Have coffee and cake together before hand.
Proudly introduce her to people.
Go walking often together with the dog - chat time.
Join a class, group or sport together and enjoy your daughter's expressive ways. Flower arranging, drawing, dancing, indoor cricket, mixed netball, bush walking, choir, volunteering.
If she likes family then help her visit Granny, Aunties and cousins to chill out.
If your daughter gets used to talking to more people she will naturally make friends. Follow up on things that interest her.
Take her for driving lessons.

My DD is 16, quiet, bookish with a small circle of 5 friends who communicate by text (not into Snapchat / tiktok) and play chess on line. She hadn’t been to a party in years, and does very little outside of school other than read, watch movies, chess.

If I compare her to my best friends kids my DD is extremely odd. They are very sociable and go to parties weekly, constantly in and out of friends houses, lots of activity on social media.

Room for every personality type in the world, don’t compare. As long as they are eating, sleeping, keeping up at school and happy (you can be a quiet homebody and happy) then I wouldn’t worry at all.